I don’t know when or why it started, but at some point or another “trying” became a bad quality. The worst thing a person could do was try to seem one way or another. Trying isn’t cool. Being is cool. And you can’t be by trying. You have to just “be.” And if you aren’t, then you aren’t, and you need to find something else to “be.” It easily carried over into “doing.” If you try too hard to do anything, you just look like an asshole. Don’t try too hard to make this person love you — you’ll look desperate. Don’t try too hard to prove your point — you look ridiculous when you get flustered. And do not, for all that is good and holy, try too hard to convince someone you don’t care about something. That, is far and wide the biggest indication that you do, in fact, care a whole hell of a lot.
Take this writer for The Northwest Missourian for example.
So I promised to write a thrilling slam piece about Greeks this week. Let me tell you, I really tried to. Unfortunately, for the majority of the student population that has better things to do than pretend to like someone because you drank out of the same handle of McCormick’s, I couldn’t meet the word count because I just don’t care that much about y’all.
Please join me for another 500 words while I detail exactly why I don’t care!
Greek hate is overrated. The guise of hating something because it’s popular among the cro-magnons of the population is just dumb. Don’t act like that’s not the reason. It is.
Here, the writer cleverly zings the Greek population and those who hate it simultaneously by calling the former group “cro-magnons” — the version of human even more monkey-like than the more popular insult “neanderthal” — while claiming the latter group is jealous of our sub-human status. It seems the writer starts off with a lot of hatred for someone who claims to be above hate.
Those individuals who hate Greeks because you don’t need the extra confidence boost to just walk up to someone and say ‘Hi’ in order to make friends: why do you hate them? You’re better off anyway!
No one would ever hate someone because they viewed him or her as unconfident. Both the perception and the psychology associated with people who choose to go Greek is that they are more confident than their peers. Self-selecting into a group that will judge its members based largely on having cool personalities is not for the timid. This is nothing more than projection. I don’t feel confident, so I will say these other people aren’t confident. Whatever, bro.
Those of you who hate them because you didn’t get a bid, drop the jealousy. Enjoy the ability to day-drink on walk-out day and homecoming. Pomping is not fun, nor is it something I would recommend. The paper tears and the glue smells like a horse’s anus.
I’m not particularly familiar with the scent of a horse’s anus, but I can assure you that Greeks “not being able to drink,” is the least of their concerns.
Those who hate Greeks because they cheat on all the quizzes and get higher scores than you, remember, karma.
Sharing old study notes and exams is not cheating. Professors are just lazy. But let me share a story with you. In the tenth grade, a friend of mine stole the math final, so I had access to the questions before I took the exam. I aced my test and I never got caught. I went on to a good state school, and landed a job I love where I became the director of my department by the time I was 25. But yeah. Karma.
Also – Administration, you may want to skip this part – don’t act like you didn’t use ‘the bible’ in Oral Communications then post on Facebook about how you got an ‘A’ on the ‘final’. (Administration, I personally didn’t. I’m just saying …)
I assure you, the administration is not reading any of this.
You know what else isn’t fun? Mandatory study hours in the library because some chapter head knows without them, their overall GPA will plummet faster than Justice Ginsberg’s consciousness during the State of the Union. I hate that place. It’s jail. You can find me at a table studying all through the night in my favorite academic building. Nobody bothers me and I save money by not buying Starbucks.
You just said we got our good grades by cheating. Now you say it’s because we are “forced” to study. Which is it? WHICH IS IT?!
Those of you who hate them because you can’t get into the frat (you’re not a fraternity) parties except for those select few you have to pay to get in. What part of being around a bunch of drunk 18 year old’s screaming “more ‘shotz’” do you enjoy? Go to Molly’s and get the same thing without the judgmental stares from the TKE that sits in the back of your chem class … when he actually shows up for class.
If you are going to Molly’s to “get the same thing,” then you do, in fact, want to be around a bunch of 18-year-olds screaming “more shots.” It’s the judgment you don’t like, not the drunkenness, the screaming, or the shots.
Those of you who hate because you can’t live in Roberta: It’s old, breaking down (wait … so are the high rises), haunted and full of girls. As a guy who has lived with girls, they don’t tend to always get along well. Do you girls really have catfights because that Phi Mu stole your TKE boy (not a man) who wasn’t even faithful to begin with?
A Phi Mu has never stolen my boyfriend, but if she did, we’d have a full-on bitch fight, not a cat fight, and my unfaithful TKE boyfriend would be on the ground searching for his missing balls when I was through with him. I have no idea what this has to do with Roberta, but as you mentioned, college dwellings all have one thing in common: they’re shitty. Might as well live at the fun one.
See GDIs, hating on your Greek counterparts is just a useless waste of your energy, hence the reason I chose not to write a column directed at them. The good news is their literacy rate is so low, they’ll probably give up trying to read this stroller by this paragraph. I’ll let you in on a secret. I personally pity them.
You literally did write a column directed at Greeks. And you’re right. I did give up reading your piece by this paragraph. You know why? Because it was the last paragraph. I’m unconvinced that you “pity” fraternity men and sorority women as you’ve dedicated a significant amount of time attempting to passive aggressively tear them down, but honestly, the truth in that statement is irrelevant. The fact remains that while you have cohesively formed your opinion of Greeks, and devoted your time and energy to making sure people know what that opinion is — this is the only time those people you “pity” will ever even know your name. In fact, I’ve forgotten it already. You can love them, hate them, envy them, pity them — whatever — but they have no opinion of you at all..
[via The Northwest Missourian]
Nice Move392
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Veronica Ruckh
Veronica (@VeronicaRuckh) is the Director of Total Sorority Move for Grandex, Inc. After having spent her undergraduate years drinking $4 double LITs on a patio and drunk texting away potential suitors, she managed to graduate with an impressive GPA and an unimpressive engagement ring -- so unimpressive, in fact, some might say it's not there at all. Veronica has since been fulfilling her duties as "America's big," a title she gave to herself with the help of her giant ego. She has recently switched from vodka to wine on weekdays. Email her at veronica@grandex.co
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