I tried to think of an opening joke, but I couldn’t. My head was too clouded with images of gigantic genitalia to be funny. Think Jonah Hill in “Superbad.” Dicks. Just dicks everywhere. And I can’t help it. After looking at a study released in 2012 about the average penis size of men across the world, how could dicks not be on my brain? I mean, better there than in my mouth, amirite?
So, I’m going to present the following photo without comment. And then I’m going to comment a LOT. Because, ya know, #maturity.
First and foremost: hello gentlemen of Central Africa. Seriously, if it weren’t for that whole Ebola unfortunateness, I would be on the first plane over. Godspeed with your recovery, by the way. Your women need you. Literally. If all of you XXL penis-ed men died, your ladies would never be able to have sex again. Or, rather, they wouldn’t want to. I’m assuming the age-old saying is pretty accurate: once you have 7.1 inches inside of you, you tell everyone else to go fuck themselves. Get it? Masturbation joke.
Second: let’s chat circumcision. Boys in Europe and boys in America tend to be pretty similar, save for one thing: foreskin. American mamas, let’s stop the snipping. You’re taking away the goodness for the rest of us.
Third: North Korea. LOL. Now I understand why Kim Jung-un is such a dick. Pun intended.
[via Instinct Magazine]