Tanning Will Give You Herpes Because The World Hates Us

Everyone has their vice. To some people, it’s a glass of wine. To others, it’s a pack of cigs, hidden at the bottom of their purse for emergencies and ex-stalking. For the rest of us, it’s tanning.

We know. Tanning is bad. Thanks for the zillion Web-MD articles cluttering my inbox, Mom. But the warnings of cancer, death, and oddly shaped moles were not enough to keep us from having bronzed skin. It’s basically science. You feel better when you’re tan. You seem skinnier, things look better on you, and more guys want to get with you.

Until now. Because apparently tanning is giving us herpes. Genital herpes, to be exact.

I wish I was joking, but according to Daily Mail, this is real life. Dermatologist Dawn Marie Davies crushed our dreams of being tan by saying that “In my practice, I’ve seen acquired bacterial infections, warts, and herpes infections from tanning beds.”

Basically since the heat isn’t strong enough to kill the bacteria in the beds, it actually makes them stronger, according to Doctor kill-joy.

When a person sweats, it provides a breeding ground for bacteria or viruses. It is then possible for the infection to transfer to another sunbed user, entering the body via a small cut or nick in the skin, often so small a person may be unaware. Ultraviolet light can theoretically kill germs, but it’s not enough to kill germs on the tanning bed.

It’s a sad day for all of us. We trusted our loyal (while slightly dangerous) friend, the tanning bed, to make us more sexually appealing. And now, in a sick, ironic twist, it’s causing us to develop an STD. So, ladies, go forth cautiously. If you have to get some vitamin D, accept the fact that you might no longer be getting the other D. Most guys don’t like hearing about your recent flair up on a first date.

May the tanning odds be ever in your favor because apparently what happens in the tanning bed doesn’t exactly stay in the tanning bed..