Target Starts To Close Stores, World Starts To End


Target has been a gathering place for sorority girls everywhere. Ironically named, you walk in with a target in mind and emerging from a blackout with enough supplies to support a small village. They have food, makeup, bathing suits, and some even have wine. What more could you possibly ask for?

Unfortunately, Target has not been doing so hot recently. After a failed attempt to expand to Canada and a severe decrease due to a credit card data base breach two years ago, Target has announced they are closing the following stores:

  1. Austin North East (Austin, Texas)
  2. Suncoast Pasco County (Odessa, Florida)
  3. Casa Grande, Arizona
  4. Victorville, California
  5. East Flint (Flint, Michigan)
  6. Columbus Southwest (Columbus, Ohio)
  7. Northridge (Milwaukee, Wisconsin)
  8. Superior, Wisconsin
  9. Springfield, Ohio
  10. New Ulm, Minnesota
  11. Ottumwa, Iowa
  12. Anderson, Indiana
  13. Dixie Highway (Louisville, Kentucky)

If you don’t live near any of these locations, you have made the cut. This time. With Target stock going down every day, you never know who could be next. No one is safe. The world is ending. Look out for the rest of the signs:

  1. Starbucks no longer serves PSLs.
  2. Yoga pants go out of style.
  3. That fuckboy texts you back.
  4. To tell you he gave to the herp.
  5. All wifi cuts out forever.
  6. Netflix permanently removes “Friends.”
  7. All Oreos sold are single stuffed.
  8. The Kardashians cancel their show(s) due to “privacy concerns.”
  9. Apple does not come out with another iPhone model and everyone has to get a Droid.
  10. Acid rain.

Be safe out there, ladies.

[via Time]

Image via Northfoto /

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Ali Hin

A born and raised Jersey girl, she can always be found covered in sand and pizza sauce. Her personal brand is "that girl." She prefers wine in bottles because she thinks outside of the box. Send fan mail to [email protected] or by smoke signal.

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