Taylor Swift Is The Richest Person In The World Under 30, So Maybe Stop Being Impressed When She Donates $1989

Taylor Swift Is The Richest Person In The World Under 30, So Maybe Stop Being Impressed When She Donates $1989

Taylor Swift was just named the highest-earning celebrity of 2016 in the world under 30 by Forbes. After pocketing $170 million this year alone, I think it’s about time we all stop sucking her dick for donating $1989 to causes. To put that into perspective, if a person makes $170,000 a year, that is the equivalent of donating $2 to kids with cancer at checkout when you’re picking up your birth control at Walgreens. Except you don’t earn $170K a year. You also don’t donate $2, but since when are you the barometer against which we’re measuring morality? You puked in your hair last night for fuck’s sake.

Point being, Taylor Swift could drop $1989 on the ground, and if she’d already walked more than five steps, it probably wouldn’t even be worth it to pick it up. Homegirl is fucking loaded.

Forbes released the rest of the list, and much to my dismay, it was pretty fucking boring. It was almost exclusively athletes, and THAT, my friends, is the patriarchy I want to put an end to. James Harden, who you may know as “some basketball player who dated Khloe” came in as the 26th wealthiest person under 30 this year, and a couple other athletes’ names — like Usain Bolt (the runner from the Olympics that they made all the memes out of), Kevin Durant (no idea, but he goes by KD), and Jordan Spieth (your boyfriend loves him because he plays golf) — might ring a bell.

As for the important people (re: actual celebrities), some congrats are in order. Ed Shereen tied for 25th (or 23rd if you’re an optimist) wealthiest under 30 with $33.5 million in earnings. Drake was once 25 sitting on 25 mill, and is now 30 sitting on 38 mill, so that’s looking good. And of course, Justin Bieber is the youngest on the list, earning $56 million at just 22 years old. The Weeknd, what’s up, heard you’re single now? And One Direction had the second highest earnings after Taylor, because teenage girls rule the world.

But you’ll notice something kind of shitty. There are literally only four women on the list. Taylor Swift, Adele, Rihanna, and Jennifer Lawrence. They’re all incredibly talented women (personal biases aside) with huge fanbases, so it’d be nuts to say they’re not deserving. But to say they’re the only women who are deserving? I can’t fuck with that.

The full Forbes list is below:

30. Kyrie Irving — $28.5 million
29. Oliver Vernon, 26 — $32 million
28. Clayton Kershaw, 28 — $32 million
27. Usain Bolt, 30 — $32.5 million
26. James Harden, 27 — $33 million
25-23. Ed Shereen, 25 — $33.5 million (tie)
25-23. Kei Nishikori, 23 — $33.5 million (tie)
25-23. A.J. Green, 28 — $33.5 million (tie)
22. Derrick Rose, 28 — $34 million
21. Marcell Darius, 26 — $35 million
20. Gareth Bale, 27 — $36 million
19-18. Neymar, 24 — $37.5 million (tie)
19-18. Rafael Nadal, 30 — $37.5 million (tie)
17. Drake, 30 — $38 million
16. Sebastian Vettel, 29 — $41 million
15. Russell Wilson, 27 — $42 million
14. Rory McIlroy, 27 — $42.5 million
13. Bigbang, 28, 29, 28, 27, 25 — $44 million
12. Jennifer Lawrence, 25 — $46 million
11-10. Jordan Spieth, 23 — $53 million (tie)
11-10. Cam Newton, 27 — $53 million (tie)
9. The Weeknd, 26 — $55 million
8-6. Kevin Durant, 28 — $56 million (tie)
8-6. Novak Djokovic, 29 — $56 million (tie)
8-6. Justin Bieber, 22 — $56 million (tie)
5. Rihanna, 28 — $75 million
4. Adele, 28 — $80.5 million
3. Lionel Messi, 29 — $81.5 million
2. One Direction, 23, 23, 22, 24 — $110 million
1. Taylor Swift, 26 — $170 million

Well, shit.

[via Forbes]

Image via Shutterstock

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Veronica Ruckh

Veronica (@VeronicaRuckh) is the Director of Total Sorority Move for Grandex, Inc. After having spent her undergraduate years drinking $4 double LITs on a patio and drunk texting away potential suitors, she managed to graduate with an impressive GPA and an unimpressive engagement ring -- so unimpressive, in fact, some might say it's not there at all. Veronica has since been fulfilling her duties as "America's big," a title she gave to herself with the help of her giant ego. She has recently switched from vodka to wine on weekdays. Email her at

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