Teenage Girl Takes Selfies With A Bald Eagle, Wins “Most Patriotic American” Of The Year

A lot of people have tried to tell me America is not the greatest country in the world. A lot of people have tried to tell me we’re behind on education, we’re behind on healthcare, we’re behind on human rights–basically that we’re behind on everything. But you know what I think? I think America is number one. I think America is the be-all and end-all. I think America is the bee’s knees, the cat’s meow, and the whole damn kit and caboodle. As Kenny Powers once famously said, “Sure, I’ve been called a xenophobe, but the truth is, I’m not. I honestly just feel that America is the best country and the other countries aren’t as good. That used to be called patriotism.”

So forget the haters. Screw the dissenters. Try the traitors…or, you know, send them to Gitmo. Because what other country in this great big world of ours has a symbol as fierce, as strong, or as noble as the bald fucking eagle? And in what other country do teenage girls likely skip class, sneak into a wildlife reserve, and take selfies with said badass symbol of liberty? Oh, that’s right. Nowhere else. Just here. ‘Merica.