That Time I Went Full On Carrie Underwood On My Cheating Ex


When it comes to girls, I truly feel that there are many different levels (and layers) of crazy. We all want to be the chill, laid back girl. You know, the one who is okay with letting her boyfriend watch porn or the one who doesn’t bat an eye when that bitch she hates steals her Instagram caption. However, the chill can only last so long before we hear or see something that triggers the psycho deep down within. There’s no turning back when the beast is out of the cage and boy, oh boy, did I let that thing run wild.

The night started the same as so many others before it with a couple friends, several shots, and even more outfit changes. I was newly single and looking to make some terrible decisions. With pep in my step and the courage that only alcohol can provide, I waltzed up to the door of a party I knew my ex boyfriend would be at. Why, may you ask? Well not only was he in the fraternity that all of my friends hang out at, but I wanted him to see me looking hot as hell.

I expected him to look surprised that I would so bravely show up to his territory after he left me so heartbroken. What I didn’t expect was to see him with his new girlfriend. Oh, not just his new girlfriend, but the girl he CHEATED on me with.

As soon as I got a glimpse of his arm around her perfectly tanned and toned waist, I put my hand to my face for fear of crying and/or throwing up. My friends, being badass, quickly realized what was happening and took me home, muttering words of comfort and a number of curse words along the way.

You probably think I had a good cry, ate an entire pizza then passed out. HA. Nope. I got my act together, convinced my friends that I was fine, urged them to go back to the party, and waved them off with a grin plastered on my face. What happened next, I am not proud of. Okay, maybe I am, just a little.

I stumbled my way right over to my ex’s fraternity house, somehow remembered the code to get in, slurred “sups” to every guy I passed in the hallway, and found my way to (yep, you guessed it), my ex’s room. I glanced over his neatly organized clothes, perfectly made bed, and overall clean space.

Let the destruction begin.

All those posters and awards on the wall? I think those would look better on the floor.

I wonder what would happen if I threw his pillow out the window? Oops, well now I know.

He hates crumbs, so I’m going to just pour this bag of chips in his sheets.

Aww, his favorite hat wants to meet the trashcan in the bathroom, I’m so making that happen right now.

If he wants his math homework, it’s covered in toothpaste behind the dresser.

After a good thirty minutes or so of going full-on Carrie Underwood, I decided the job was more than complete and slipped away from the scene of the crime. With a t-shirt souvenir in hand, and a sense of pride I had never felt before, I accepted the crazy and started my walk back home. As I slept that night, dreams of Dorito crumbs danced in my head.

I have a pretty good idea that he knows I did it. He’s never mentioned it though. Funny.

Keep calm and crazy on, everyone. Or just don’t keep calm at all.

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I spend my days embracing messy hair, calling my boyfriend (Papa John), & balancing class time with nap time.

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