It’s Wednesday, “Mean Girls” is turning 10, and fetch still isn’t happening. If “Mean Girls” was a person, she would be Regina’s sister’s age by now–already flashing the TV, “Girls Gone Wild”-style. How many times can you quote “Mean Girls” before it gets old? The limit does not exist. So put on your Juicy sweatsuit (a pink one, obviously), turn on Netflix, and prepare to watch the most fetch movie our generation has ever seen. Whether you were a queen bee or a wannabe in high school, there’s always someone you can relate to in “Mean Girls”–even now.
1. It actually portrays high school accurately.
Sure, we’ve heard the “mean girls in high school” story before, but the writing, acting, and general high school debauchery is perfection. The “Mean Girls” map is spot on at every high school, even today (at least, that’s what I assume–the “Mean Girls” reunion is showing me just how old I really am). Sexually active band geeks were real. They may be a trope in every movie from the beginning of time (or since “American Pie”) but those flute lovers were gettin’ it. Plus, every high school party everywhere has way too many interlopers and ends with someone vomming unexpectedly.
2. Everyone knows a “cool mom” (Juicy sweatsuit sold separately).
Before Amy Poehler played my spirit animal Leslie Knope, she was the coolest mom any movie had ever seen. From her “Toddlers & Tiaras” moves during the “Jingle Bell Rock” to her no rules attitude, she was even more of a wannabe than the high schoolers. Everyone knows a mom who’s just trying to be young, underage cocktails and awful boob job included.
3. Jason is the ultimate high school douchenozzle.
Every girl has known a Jason at some point in her life. There was always that boy in high school who would ask you inappropriate questions in the cafeteria, and you’d have to Google them to figure out what they meant later. As big of a dodo bird as Gretchen was (although nowhere near Karen levels) he didn’t deserve her. He did, however, deserve to be knocked out mid-“Jingle Bell Rock.”
4. It’s still fetch today.
Even though “Mean Girls” was ridiculous, the feels were real. High school was a mix between an African jungle and a prison. You spent four years completely at the mercy of others. You couldn’t even go to the bathroom without telling a grownup. Unfortunately, LiLo needed all of the experience asking to go to the bathroom a girl could get, because post “Mean Girls,” girlfriend has spent the majority of her time behind real bars.
5. The performances are everything.
LiLo before her penchant for lowercase coke made her face change! Rachel McAdams before she fell in love (and incited our jealousy) with Ryan Gosling! Amanda Seyfried before…well, not all of them have had the same illustrious career as McAdams. At the time, everyone thought LiLo had the star-making performance to remember, but ever since, Rachel McAdams has had the best roles, showing that queen bees will always rule. If you knew that the actresses with the biggest cult followings 10 years later would be Amy Poehler and Tina Fey, you’d be as shocked as Glen Coco after getting four candy cane grams–Amy and Tina are almost as pretty and popular as he is.
6. Quoting the movie line by line is the best hobby a girl can have.
You can have an entire conversation made up entirely of “Mean Girls” quotes and all of your friends will understand. Regina’s quietly vicious delivery and ridiculous fad diets make her a sorority girl icon. From, “Whatever. I’m getting cheese fries,” (everyone knows calories don’t count when you’re drunk, or when you’re eating cheese fries) to, “Why are you so obsessed with me?” prove that she has the best lines of any character…except maybe Kevin G.
7. Kevin Gnapoor: Math Enthusiast/Badass MC
If you didn’t have Kevin G’s rap memorized at some point (and the Christmas dance) do you even go here? In fact, if you can still do a powerful rendition of Kevin G’s performance, you get extra credit–without having to help out the Mathletes. Plus, Kevin G is looking like kind of a smokeshow these days, proving that the high school outcasts really do come out on top at the 10 year reunion.
8. Watching “Mean Girls” today lets you relive all of your fashion mistakes.
While “Mean Girls” didn’t make fetch happen, it certainly brought to life ridiculous T-shirt layering, flared jeans, and Juicy sweatsuits. Watching the movie now is a peek into your closet 10 years ago, and it is embarrassing. “Mean Girls” also managed to change the Halloween dress code for eternity–everyone knows the perfect Halloween costume is an animal, which is just a slut with ears.
9. Two words: Aaron Samuels.
Sure, he’s kind of basic, but those eyes! That hair (it looks sexy pushed back)! While he is Regina George’s sloppy seconds, it’s hard to care when he’s flopping around his perfect coif, Spider-Man style. Their mundane interactions are everything a high school crush should be. He may have flaws (I mean, he dated Regina for an entire year) but his eyebrow game is on point, and everyone knows that’s what really matters when it comes to picking a significant other.
10. Every high school clique had ridiculous rules.
If you didn’t make your clique (which obviously had its own sassy moniker, like The Plastics) wear pink on Wednesdays, were you really mean at all? The rule, “You can’t wear a tank top two days in a row, and you can only wear your hair in a ponytail two days a week (so I guess you picked today)” changed in college. It just becomes easier to put on gym clothes to make your hangover carcass become a person. But in high school, you actually had to try. Wasn’t it the worst? The moral of the story: “Mean Girls” is still spot-on today, because high school will always be that mean.
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Fleur de Lilly
Fleur de Lilly (@margaretabrams) is a contributing writer for Total Sorority Move and Post Grad Problems. When she's not corrupting her big's baby, she can be found decoding texts, gravitating towards raised surfaces, and spending time with her gentleman caller, Jack Daniels. She loves Lilly, Louisiana, and her lineage.
@margaretabrams
@margaretabrams
