Freshman year you’re convinced it’s crucial to travel anywhere with everyone you’ve ever met, whether it’s the dining hall, a campus bar, or a bottom-tier fraternity party someone on your floor insists is cool. While you’re used to drinking high school style, you and your new friends aren’t prepared for the influx of cheap shots and hunch punch about to make its way through your veins. When you’re rolling with that many girls, everyone’s certain to have a distinct personality, and those special personalities shine on through once the Diesel starts to pour down the ice luge.
Whether you’re reminiscing about the best year of your life or preparing for it, here are the 10 girls you meet freshman year. One of them might even be you.
1. The Blackout Baby
When it’s daylight this girl’s perfectly sweet, but the second she heads out for the night she’s fifteen shots deep and swerving out of control. Even though she catches mono almost immediately, she risks her liver and goes hard for the rest of the semester. She has a reputation for confusing the bathroom with places she really shouldn’t, including, but not limited to, a boy’s bed, your hallway, and the quad after a particularly intense football pregame. She has a fondness for mixing a variety of mystery drugs that you have to Urban Dictionary. When she ventures to the dining hall, it gets awkward, because she knows more than half the boys present… intimately. When she grows up she’ll always be able to look back on her crazy nights fondly — unfortunately, she can’t remember any of them.
2. The Social Butterfly
This girl spends the night getting all the best gossip, which means she’s usually more sober than you. She’s a face girl obsessed with being seen with the coolest girls and hooking up with the hottest guys, because she knows the older sorority girls are watching (and judging). Her résumé is impressive, even though everyone knows that she vommed in the middle of giving prospective students a campus tour. Still, no one cares, because multi-tasking in college is hard, and even after a few too many indiscretions she’s still the campus queen.
3. The Dancing Queen
During the day, this girl is about as unassuming as you get. Once you’re out, she heads directly for the dance floor and can’t be moved until last call, which she resists. She’s a huge fan of the DFMO because it allows her to stay in her element. She’s got skills that belong in a rap video, and her handstand bootypop is always a sight to behold. You had no idea someone so sweet could twerk like that. She’s the best person to dance on raised surfaces with — especially freshman year, before standards tries to bring her down.
4. The Leader of the Pack
Girlfriend has always been the HBIC when it comes to her clique, and doesn’t realize that college is a whole different ballgame. She expects you to run every hookup possibility by her so she can make sure she doesn’t want him for herself. She’s convinced she’s the college world’s Regina George. She plans every pregame and she decides which fraternity party you’re hitting for the night. She’s constantly telling stories about her home friends like you should know them and/or care. By senior year she’ll be tired of her leadership role, trading it in for nights on the couch critiquing the Real Housewives with a bottle of Skinny Girl. After all, judging is her favorite hobby, and why not embrace what you’re best at?
5. The Boyfriend Girl
Girlfriend is attached at the hip to her boy toy, whether he’s right there or long distance. You love her and she’s a blast, but you very rarely see her. When you go out, she’s perfectly fun, but you know she’s texting him the entire time, even if she tries to hide it. She’d be a perfect partner in crime and a fabulous rager if she just ended her ridiculous pre-marriage. Eventually she will, but unfortunately it will be after her college days are over.
6. The Frat Rat
Once the boyfriend girl is on her own, she realizes it’s time to get wild, and morphs into a mix of Samantha Jones and Ke$ha. She starts hooking up with a senior in the rowdiest frat, who makes sure everyone knows his knuckles are permanently scarred because he’s been pulling punches since he stepped on campus. Yes, his fraternity technically no longer exists because of that unfortunate brush with the police and the national news, but that doesn’t mean they don’t still throw the creepiest parties around. After going from the boyfriend girl to the cheated on girl, she transitions into the Pike bike. Eventually she gets tired of sleeping with anyone with the right letters, so she starts dating a boy remarkably similar to the one she came to campus with.
7. The Disappearing Act
She’s a blast during the pregame, but once you hit the bar she’s immediately MIA. You never have any idea what this girl’s night will entail. She might accidentally hook up with a cab driver in his vehicle, or spend the night at a fancy hotel with a much older businessman. She always has a story the next morning, and it usually involves something weird. You’ll learn not to worry when she disappears, and just look forward to the ridiculous recaps the next day.
8. The Awkward Addition
Since she didn’t get any in high school, she’s ready to get wild in college, if only she could find a boy blackout enough to go along with her plan. Her first night out she gets to second base and she’s convinced she’s pregnant. You and your floormates have the grueling task of convincing her she doesn’t need Plan B. She’s never really had friends before, so she’s beyond excited to go out with girls who are far cooler than she is. She’ll glom onto whomever will have her and try to become them in a Single White Female kind of way. Sadly, she’ll be dropped by every sorority on campus, because even the bottom-tiers don’t want the ultimate try-hard in their houses.
9. The Impossibly Cool GDI
You kind of want to be this girl when you grow up, if only for access to her closet. She’s ridiculously chic, and she only dates the hottest boys on campus. She decides she’s far too cool to ever rush, even though most of her friends are in sororities. She’s way too hip for the rest of the GDIs. She’ll eventually end up transferring because your party school is not for her (which means she couldn’t hack it grade-wise or had a little bit of a mental break), but you’ll always think back to borrowing her clothes fondly.
The Religious One
This southern belle is doing it for Jesus (not literally, of course). She’s looking for her MRS degree, because that’s the only way she’ll be able to get it in the foreseeable future. You can find her frequenting religious center, looking for the man of her dreams. She’ll rush a very sweet sorority, but will spend more time husband hunting than appreciating sisterhood. She’ll post pictures of delicious baked goods and inspirational sayings in an effort to lock someone down, which she eventually will. After all, if your only hope of penetration comes with marriage, your sole focus is obviously on rocking that ring.
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Fleur de Lilly
Fleur de Lilly (@margaretabrams) is a contributing writer for Total Sorority Move and Post Grad Problems. When she's not corrupting her big's baby, she can be found decoding texts, gravitating towards raised surfaces, and spending time with her gentleman caller, Jack Daniels. She loves Lilly, Louisiana, and her lineage.
@margaretabrams
@margaretabrams
