Men seem to think they have it all and that all double standards work in their favor. Sure, they can have sex with whoever they want without judgment and we would never tell anyone do that, they make more money, and they have control of the remote, but I’m here to remind you, there are plenty of double standards working against them too. The following things are only ok when WE do it.
1. Call or text you excessively.
It’s appropriate and expected and if you don’t answer, we reserve the right to be mad. If you do it, you’re clingy. Not cute.
2. Demand to know your whereabouts.
If we do it, it’s because we’re concerned. If you do it, you’re controlling.
3. Get mad for no reason.
We’re hormonal. You’re unreasonable.
4. Read your FB messages.
Facebook stalking is in our nature, if you do it, it’s weird.
5. Read your text messages.
Well you INSIST on having girl “friends.”
6. Read your e-mail.
We just want to make sure you’re not going to extreme lengths (using your email instead of FB or text) to hide something from us. Get over it.
7. Have a secret hatred for your mother.
She’s trying to control you, so obviously we hate her. If you hate our mothers, you just have bad taste.
8. Say no to sex.
If we say no, we’re just tired or not in the mood. If you say no, I’m assuming you’re not attracted to me any more even though this is the only time you’ve EVER said no, and all hell will break loose. Plus, it’s just rude.
9. Ditch you for a last-minute girls night.
She could have had a tragic break up. Guys nights must be planned, or you’re insensitive.
10. Decide on coordinating outfits.
Your taste just isn’t as good as ours. You don’t get to decide what couple costume we wear to a mixer.
11. Point out flaws in your physical appearance.
We’re being helpful. You’re being ungrateful.
12. Talk shit about our sisters.
I’m just venting. You’re insulting my best friends.
13. Wear athletic clothing outside the gym.
Yoga pants are cute. Whatever the hell you wear is not.
14. Cry.
If you cry, just fork over your penis now.
15. Think something homemade counts as a present.
When we do it, it’s cute. When you do it, it’s cheap. I know, it’s the thought that counts, but if you’re not thinking with your wallet, you’re not thinking hard enough.
16. Drink fruity drinks.
They’re delicious, and you can’t have them.
17. Nag.
We nag you because you’ll forget if we don’t. If you nag us, you’re too demanding and we hate you.
18. Eat a salad for dinner.
I’m not trying to feel guilty on the one night I DON’T order a salad because you’re still being healthy. Be a man, order a steak.
19. Be late and keep you waiting.
It takes time to create the vision of beauty you see before you. You threw on a polo and khakis and if you keep me waiting, you obviously respect me very much.
20. Be the little spoon.
We’re littler….
Nice Move304
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Veronica Ruckh
Veronica (@VeronicaRuckh) is the Director of Total Sorority Move for Grandex, Inc. After having spent her undergraduate years drinking $4 double LITs on a patio and drunk texting away potential suitors, she managed to graduate with an impressive GPA and an unimpressive engagement ring -- so unimpressive, in fact, some might say it's not there at all. Veronica has since been fulfilling her duties as "America's big," a title she gave to herself with the help of her giant ego. She has recently switched from vodka to wine on weekdays. Email her at veronica@grandex.co
@VeronicaRuckh
@VeronicaRuckh
vmruckh
veronica@grandex.co
