The 30 Worst People At The Library

1. The girls in your rival sorority, because they’re the worst people everywhere they go.

2. The table of Asians screaming at each other in their native tongue.

3. The shush-er.

4. People who take phone calls.

5. That kid who never showed up to class and keeps coming over to ask you questions.

6. The knowledge snob who doesn’t want to explain anything, and pretends to “not know” material he/she finished studying hours ago.

7. The sister who convinces you it’s ok to get the four cheese panini, side of chips, and a giant cookie instead of the salad you’d normally order from the library cafe.

8. The person who literally just whips out a party-sized bag of Tostitos and queso.

9. The table of nerds letting out donkey laughs over a joke one of them made about their crew being “surrounded by a semi-permeable membrane.”

10. The person who needed to print out what appears to be a novel from the library’s unbelievably loud printer right before you finalled printed your one-page assignment sheet.

11. The person with an obvious cold sitting two tables down, infecting the entire place with his or her mucousy slobber coughs.

12. The guy you’re currently talking to and secretly in love with.

13. The guy whose bed you puked in, and mysteriously never heard from again.

14. The guy who seems to be hopelessly in love with you, even though you never text him back.

15. The Chatty Cathy you love to death, except when you’re trying to study because she won’t…shut…up.

16. The person wearing pajamas.

17. The huffer, constantly gasping and sighing due to stress.

18. The kid asking everyone for Adderall. Poor planning, my friend.

19. The person eating smelly food.

20. The couple groping each other under the table because they think no one can see them.

21. The couple who doesn’t even try to hide it that’s blatantly kissing, back-rubbing, and touching each other’s hair.

22. The emo guy whose music is so loud you can hear it through his headphones.

23. The girl who reserves her spot with her books, but doesn’t come back to it for over an hour.

24. The mouth breather.

25. The people who are almost definitely having sex in the periodical section you need to get into for your research paper, due tomorrow morning at 8:00am.

26. The girl who is decked out in stripper heels and nighttime makeup.

27. The sister with letters on her computer who didn’t get the memo about being “library cute,” and clearly hasn’t washed her hair in three days.

28. The girl who didn’t bring her own car and makes you feel guilty for not being ready to leave when she is after you offered her she imposed on you for a ride home.

29. The creepy guy who tries to hit on you.

30. The librarian who’s just an all-around bitch, because she goes on a power trip at the end of every semester.


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Veronica Ruckh

Veronica (@VeronicaRuckh) is the Director of Total Sorority Move for Grandex, Inc. After having spent her undergraduate years drinking $4 double LITs on a patio and drunk texting away potential suitors, she managed to graduate with an impressive GPA and an unimpressive engagement ring -- so unimpressive, in fact, some might say it's not there at all. Veronica has since been fulfilling her duties as "America's big," a title she gave to herself with the help of her giant ego. She has recently switched from vodka to wine on weekdays. Email her at

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