1. The Hot And Unattainable
This one is pretty simple. The president of a fraternity with the longtime girlfriend, the TA who is way too comfortable with being single, or maybe even the guy who sits next to you in your history class. This crush is annoying. Your friends know that you’re obsessed with him and make fun of you relentlessly. And even though you know that you stand zero chance with him, you still know exactly where you two will live, the name of you dog, and the flavor of your wedding cake that will be served at you Pinterest-perfect wedding. You only get slightly sad when you see him talking to a girl but you realize your jealousy isn’t warranted in the slightest. Hell, you might even encourage other girls to have a crush on him because guess what? There is no chance that you could ever get him and besides — misery loves company.
2. The FWB
Sure you two have hooked up a few times in the past, and maybe even had a thing at one point, but there’s no way that you would ever have any real feelings for him right? RIGHT? Joke’s on you because you’ve had a crush on his since the first kiss, but you’re too afraid to lose the hookup by discussing your feelings. You also hate to admit to your friends that you could possibly like this guy because once you say it, it’s real. Nothing is worse than seeing other girls flirt with him because you already know all of his tricks and ways of persuasion. Still, you sip your vodka cran and flirt with other guys so you seem chill and un-clingy. Don’t you just love the game?
3. The Guy Friend
We’ve all seen the movies where the casual guy friend is obviously the right one for the main character (thank you, Lizzie McGuire, for setting us up to that one real early). You may have even accidentally kissed this guy or shown slight attraction at least once, but the thought of ruining a friendship just doesn’t seem worth it. He knows about the time(s) you made out with a guy on your Uber ride home and teases you about it without making things weird because he is your friend, it’s what he does. You hate to admit that you feel any type of real attraction to him and your friends even joke about you two dating. “Ugh just date alreadyyyyy,” they say as you tell them to shut up, but on the inside? You absolutely fucking love it.
4. The Dad
No, not a real dad. Or maybe. I don’t know your life. As much as I love to go out and not think about my future (or the next morning) there is always that guy who you look at and think “he would be a great dad.” And chances are he will one day. But today is not the day, or the night, to be worried about that. Still, thanks to his dad jokes, his gentle way with children and animals, and the calm feeling you get when you’re around him, you’re drawn to him. This is the type of guy that I would advise making a marriage pact with and constantly remind him about it. You adore him, he knows it, and hopefully someday when you’re ready for a white picket fence and a ring, the feeling will be mutual. No shame.
Now if only one of them would call me back..
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