It’s today’s psychotic dating world, there’s a new tactic called “ghosting” that’s all the rage. In New York, some call it deading, in pop culture it’s called ghosting, and in other places, it’s called cutting-off. For any of you who have been living under a rock and have never heard, nor experienced this term first hand, allow me to save you some confusion and explain it.
Ghosting (adj): The act of acting as if nothing is wrong then completely disappearing out of someone’s life without a trace. No text, no call, no responses. As if you are no longer in existence and never even knew them.
Ghosting is everywhere in college, and happens to almost everyone. I just don’t get it. If you aren’t interested, why is it so hard to just shoot a basic text saying, “Hey sorry, this just really isn’t a good time for me to get into anything right now, have a good one.” Literally, a full of crap text like that is better than nothing. But why don’t we go over the different types of ghosters, just for the fun of it.
1. The Chronic Canceler
He’s probably really cute, you probably met him at a frat party and hooked up one time. But as he’s dropping you off the next day it isn’t just a “See ya,” but it’s a “Hey, wait, I had a lot of fun with you last night, could I get your number so we can hang out again sometime.” And you’re probably thrilled because it always feels better to think you aren’t having yet another one night stand. And then he texts you! He ACTUALLY texts you. And makes plans with you, a time, a place, everything. Then the day comes, maybe you get casually ready, and then he texts you like five minutes before and cancels. But it’s okay, because he reschedules. And that’s good. That must mean he really does want to see you. Then that day comes around and once again you get ready. And then five minutes before… cancels… and then reschedules. Again. It’s okay, it’s only the second time and you’re sure it’s really important. You’ll see him Tuesday. Well, HAPPY TUESDAY, because you get ready, you wait, but then he doesn’t text you. He doesn’t even cancel. Maybe you text him, but he probably doesn’t answer. And probably never texts you again… yup, you were just ghosted.
2. The Basic One Nighter
Okay, so yeah, you probably expect this one. Maybe he has your number, if he asked for it early in the night, out of “respect,” or as an easy in to make a move. He probably says “Bye, I had fun, I’ll text you later.” Some girls might expect that text, I mean, since he said he was going to text you, he’s gonna do it, right? Wrong. He’s probably not going to text you. So you kinda sit around and expect a text for the rest of the day. But it doesn’t come. This isn’t so much ghosting as it is your basic one night stand, but it still feels like it.
3. The Practically Dating
This guy is probably more serious than anything else you’ve had in college. He’s handsome, sweet, a great kisser, respectful, not pushy, and overall probably your picture perfect guy. You want to shout about him from the rooftops and tell your mom that you met your future husband. He spends five nights in a row in your bed, cuddling, taking care of you when you’re sick, watching movies with you and your roommates, and then driving you to your next day duties. One morning, he drops you off where you need to be, holding your hand the whole car ride, kissing you goodbye and saying, “I’ll see you later!” Yeah well, you’re never seeing him again! You’re lucky if you ever hear from him again. A week later you might text him to see if he’s alive cause you’re confused as fuck, and you’re lucky if he answers. After that, bye. Oh and if he’s the best form of practically-dating ghoster, he’ll delete you off Snapchat and other forms of social media too.
4. The Guy You Talked To For 7 Months
What makes this guy think it’s okay for him to just disappear is unthinkable to every human on the planet. But he does it. As far as you’re aware, you’re exclusive, you talk daily, or maybe sometimes you have a few days off. But eventually you notice you haven’t talked or seen each other in a really long time, so you text him, because we can do that. And he gives you some ridiculous answer like “All’s gucci,” because yes, they really answer that way. Clearly all is NOT gucci, actually. That’s probably the last conversation you ever have with him.
5. The Guy Who Thinks It’s Okay To Fall Off Then Come Back As He Pleases
No. Who the fuck does this guy think he is? He doesn’t talk to you for a week and a half and think it’s okay to act as if nothing happened and hang out. I get this in the beginning stages of dating, but when you go from talking daily to ignoring you for a week, “I’ve been busy, I forgot to text you,” is not an excuse. If he liked you, he’d think about you, and as a result, shoot you a text. Basic logic. A single text takes maybe fifteen seconds at most. You know that boy was scrolling through Tinder or checking his Sports Center app. He can shoot you a fifteen second text.
Basically, if you’re done with someone, just say it. You’re not going to ruin their lives by saying you’d rather just be friends. This is college, they’ll probably move on before you can blink. But just be straight up, there’s no need to fall off the Earth and leave a girl guessing. Make yourself clear if you’re not interested so she doesn’t sit around wondering. It’s not a difficult concept.
Just be honest, okay?..