You are not alone.
It’s okay. It happens to the best of us.
You hear the new T-Swift single on the radio. You pretend to hate it but you secretly love it. You sit there and shake your head, putting on a show in front of your friends and exclaiming “ugh, Taylor Swift is the worst.”
But while you’re vocally denouncing Taylor, you’re already on your phone downloading the song. When your friends ask what you’re doing you cover your screen and say you’re replying to an unsolicited dick pic from Kyle. When they ask who Kyle is you just change the subject and talk about the economy.
It’s tough when you realize you love a Taylor Swift song. It’s traumatizing, but it’s part of life.
It won’t get easier until you accept it. Here are the 5 stages of this complicated journey.
WHAT?! There’s no way in hell I’m genuinely enjoying “Look What You Made Me Do.” She’s barely even singing! She’s just doing that weird sexy baby voice! Not to mention she’s firing shots at Kanye even though she has no leg to stand on in that fight after we found out she was an adorable snake from all the “Famous” controversy in 2016. This isn’t happening.
SON OF A BITCH. Why is this happening to me? ME! A good, decent human being. What the hell did I do to deserve this? Why is my tortured soul trapped in a body that’s forcing itself to blast T-Swift at full volume in my car? Why am I singing along at the top of my lungs? GOD DAMMIT. Look what you made me do, Taylor!
God, I can’t stop listening to “… Ready For It?” God, if you give me the strength to stop listening to it, I will become a nun. If you erase that catchy hook and orgasmic bass from existence I will a build a children’s hospital in Afghanistan with my bare hands tomorrow. God, please. If you delete this song from my phone, I will never curse or (day)drink again.
What’s the point of even living? Life is just a bottomless pit of misery, unanswered 2am DMs and church queefs. Life sucks. My ex is happier than me, my only non-racist grandparent is dead, and to top it all off, I ENJOY TAYLOR SWIFT SONGS. I’m just gonna lay in bed, blast 2000s pop-punk albums and weep until the Xanax kicks in.
I have gained the wisdom and serenity to learn what I can’t control. It’s not my fault that “…Ready For It?” is so catchy. I can’t do anything about my situation, but I can control how I handle it. I’m gonna take it one day at a time. I’m going to stay strong and accept my diagnosis as a possible Taylor Swift fan. It’s gonna be a long, tough journey. But I’m…… ready for it?.
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