The 5 Types Of Teachers You’ll Have In College


As much as we all wish college was just partying, hanging out with friends, and avoiding responsibilities like the plague, sadly it’s not. Classes are a necessary evil of any college experience and with that comes the teachers in charge of teaching them. As nice as it would be to have only teachers we love, that’s just not realistic. Throughout your collegiate experience, you are guaranteed to have these five types of teachers.

The Hot Teacher

This teacher is almost always a humanities or language teacher and he is sexy AF. You show up to his blow-off class 100 percent of the time just so you can stare at his chiseled face and cute butt. On more than one occasion you will fantasize about what it would be like to have an affair with him. Don’t get your hopes up though. As much as TV likes to make it seem like you have a chance, with all the rules and regulations in place, your teacher will never fuck you. You’ll have better luck, and most likely better sex with the equally hot TA. Same thing, really.

The Too Smart Teacher

Whether it is literature, physics, or anything in between, this teacher has no idea just how smart they are. They simply say things, not explain them, and then are continually confused as to why you don’t understand the how to calculate the magnetic forces acting on a mass suspended in space at time ‘t.’ The thing is, they aren’t bad people and they aren’t trying to be bad teachers. They are just so smart that they can’t empathize with how difficult the subject matter is. Your best bet is to either go to office hours and force them to teach you one-on-one or find a sister who previously took the course and get help. And by “help,” I mean the study files.

The Idiot Teacher

Normally this teacher isn’t on full-time faculty, but probably a night-class teacher. They have some sort of other job and most likely do this to either take up time or for the extra money. The problem with this teacher is that they think they are actually teaching the correct material, even if the text and resources suggest otherwise. Don’t waste your breath arguing. You will never be able to convince them of their errors or their own stupidity and doing so will only serve to piss them off. Take notes on the incorrect info and then answer the questions as the teacher would. Yes, you’ll be wrong, but at least you’ll get an A.

The Teacher Who Hates Greek Life

Most of us have aspirations to pursue our career in industry, not academia. As a result of this, most of our teachers our not going to be familiar with the ins and outs of Greek organizations. While this is okay and not implicitly bad, there will be teachers who base their entire opinions on Greek life from the media alone, meaning they are going to have strong, negative feelings. No matter how much you talk about the friends you’ve made, the service you’ve done, or the career opportunities you’ve been exposed to, these teachers will still see you as a drunken asshole. Try to limit how often you wear letters and just hope they don’t take their hatred for Greek life out on your grade.

The Best Teacher Ever

I have only had two teachers who have significantly and importantly affected my education and career path and for that I am eternally thankful. They are from my major and minor, respectively, and have taught me so many valuable lessons both inside and outside of the classroom. They have become not just teachers, but mentors and friends to me. If you are lucky enough to experience a teacher like this, don’t take that for granted. Show them the respect that their commitment to your education deserves, meaning don’t show up drunk, hungover, or late. Show up ready and willing to learn and be thankful that you have a teacher who cares so deeply.

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Champagne Showers is a contributing writer for TSM. She is your typical Northern Diva. If curse words, sexual content, and drug use offend you, then bless your heart. CS will continue living the life you're too scared to live. email her at:

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