The 6 Best Boozy Desserts Will Actually Get You Drunk

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Thanks to Pinterest, I have discovered the most marvelous thing. It is now possible to eat chocolate and get drunk at the exact same time. “Well, duh, RecruitmentChair, you just alternate chugging Franzia and eating a Snickers bar,” you may think. But you’re wrong. While you certainly may do that, and I would never be one to discourage that behavior, you can actually make desserts that will get you drunk. I am not kidding. I’m dying at the idea of this and I may actually go to white girl heaven. I’m going to share with you some of the best boozy dessert recipes that I have found on Pinterest so that you’ll have these in your arsenal to impress everyone at your next party. Just kidding, I know you’ll eat all of these in bed alone, and that’s okay, too.

Malbec Chocolate Truffles

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This amazing recipe only uses four ingredients, and one of them is almost certainly one you already have on hand: Barefoot wine. Not only are they beyond amazing, but you don’t even have to turn on your oven. All you have to do is this: chop up some dark chocolate, toss it into a pot on the stove, add wine and whipped cream, and let the ingredients simmer. Let your boozy chocolate mixture cool in the fridge, and then using cocoa powder as a dusting agent, roll your chocolate into little balls. Voilà: you have an elegant, impressive dessert that took about five minutes and everyone will love you for it. It’s a win-win, honestly.

Champagne-Soaked Strawberries

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If you thought the last recipe was the easiest thing in the world, you were wrong. The only housewife skills needed to make this fantastic dessert are opening a bottle of champagne and not guzzling it down before you can soak the strawberries in it. Let them soak for 24 hours, and you’re done! Dip them in some melted chocolate for a perfect finish, and you’ve got a healthy, drunken dessert. (Strawberries DO make it healthy, right?)

Chocolate Chip Cookie Kahlua Milkshakes

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Chocolate chip cookies. Milkshake. Booze. Need I say more? Throw that boring Chick-fil-A milkshake in the trash and make one of these instead. Five ingredients and NO OVEN is all you need to make the perfect boozy dessert of your dreams. All you have to do is throw some milk, ice, ice cream, cookies, and a little bit (okay, fine, a LOT) of booze into the blender and you have an amazing concoction unlike anything you’ve ever experienced before.

Dark Chocolate Red Wine Cupcakes

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I don’t know about you, but my weaknesses are cupcakes and wine. This recipe perfectly combines the two into one dessert that I’m pretty sure tastes pretty similar to how an orgasm feels. I honestly can’t imagine anything better than biting into a cupcake that has the sweetness of dark chocolate with the warmth of a bottle of wine–literally a bottle, because that’s about how much goes into these cupcakes. This is a perfect recipe to make with your girls for a night in as you binge on “Law and Order: SVU,” because let’s be honest, is there anything else you’d rather do?

Margarita Gummies

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I honestly just can’t even. You can make GUMMY BEARS that taste like MARGARITAS. If this doesn’t blow your mind, I don’t know what will. The perfect combination of our favorite beverage and Jell-O shots, these bite-sized snacks will be your new go-to, hands down. We’ve all had vodka gummy bears, but this just upped the stakes in a completely unheard of way. Try these out the next time you have a party (or just a craving, whatever) and watch them disappear faster than that guy after your one-night stand.

Dark Chocolate Bourbon Cherry Coke Floats

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Relive your childhood in a very adult way with these alcoholic Coke floats. Pick the carbonated cherry beverage of your choice, add some dark chocolate ice cream or gelato, and pour out some bourbon to make this childhood favorite suitable for those of us 21 and up. You get the creaminess of the ice cream, the bubbles of the soda, and the warmth of the bourbon, and I honestly can’t imagine anything better. Cheers, ladies.

Image via Shutterstock

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RecruitmentChairTSM (@TheRecruitChair) is a contributing writer for Total Sorority Move. This current grad student and ex-sorority girl survives solely on Diet Coke and the tears of the pledges she personally victimized. She's a Monica, a Marnie, a Miranda, and a Regina. Her favorite hobbies include drinking $14 bottles of wine and binge-watching season 2 of Grey's Anatomy until she cries. You can send her annoying e-mails at

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