I shamelessly love getting drunk. Seriously. I wish it was socially acceptable to just live my life in a constant state of just-a-little-bit-drunk every day. A nice, cold drink is like a set of pearls: they’re both the perfect accent to just about anything. Alcohol is not only the social lubricant throughout most of human history, but a gateway vehicle to having a great time. Just imagine holidays, weddings, funerals, birthdays, and graduations without it. Boring with a capital B. There are times where you just want one glass of wine with dinner or one cocktail out when you’re with say, your conservative grandparents.
Most occasions when you pick up a drink, however, you want to get drunk. No two types of alcohol will give you the same kind of buzz, but as a general rule of thumb, there are different levels and different types of drunk you could be when the bottle presents itself.
Tipsy
This is the most mild mode of drunkenness. It usually sets in after the first or second drink, and you find yourself feeling more free and chatty. You know that the booze is setting in, and you often have to walk a line to know whether to have one more drink or not. That choice is all dependent on the setting. The pregame lends itself to getting you to this point. If you’re exercising responsibility because you know you have two dollars left in your checking account or have to write a paper the next day, you’ll just accept it and know there will be other nights. You just don’t feeeeeel the drink(s), kind of the same way you don’t feeeeeel a bottom-tier fraternity guy.
Slow Build
Much like climbing a mountain, the slow build happens when you are drinking one drink after another and recognize that with each sip or shot you take, you are getting more and more drunk. When you reach the peak of Mount Wasted, you are likely slurring, over-confident, and exclaiming that you LOVE whatever it is that’s on your mind. You get to this point alone in the bathroom while you’re peeing or fixing your lipstick, or while having a moment of quiet reflection against the backdrop of the other loud drunk people and “Get Low” playing at full blast. You think to yourself, “Wow. I am pretty drunk. Yep, I’m drunk, what’s up?”
The Bullet Train
The opposite of The Slow Build, the Bullet Train is when you’re going about your night drinking everything than can be tasted and feeling pretty sober then BAM! All the drinks you’ve had crash into you all at once and you are smashed. You don’t even know how it happened, but one minute you were fine, and the next minute you’re three sheets to the wind. It’s great when you get to the point of The Bullet Train because you can just revel in your drunken state and you simply do not care.
The Brownout
It takes dedication to get to this level of drunk. You don’t remember a good chunk of the evening, but you slip back into reality at some point. You can’t exactly recall when it happened, but you do remember your memory coming back to you as you furiously argue at 2:30 a.m. with your friends, and the Taco Bell manager, about your order being messed up, when it came out exactly as you ordered it (guilty as charged). It can be fun but proceed with caution. Blacking back into an unknown situation isn’t what most people would call “fun.”
The Blackout
You seriously have no idea, unless you consult the people who you drank with, your phone, and your social media accounts. Piecing together the puzzle of what you did when you were blacked out requires good detective skills and a liking for the element of surprise.
The Crossfade
You went to the bar, took as many shots as you could handle, went home with that cute guy you know through a friend of a friend, and now he’s smoking you out. You feel a sense of euphoria, and your buzz is now amplified by another substance. You just let whatever happen happen at this point.
Is it 5 o’clock yet?.
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