I’m just going to come out and say the thing that I’m always embarrassed to say. I used to be a fat girl. If I told you my high number on a scale, it might not sound like much, but I’m 5-foot-3, and trust me–I felt it. I watched myself go from a size small to a medium to a large. I stocked up on oversized jackets and sweaters because it was really hard for me to admit that I wasn’t actually the size on my jeans label anymore. Leggings were a fall staple due to the flexible band. I ate at fast food restaurants and at the unhealthy options on campus because I didn’t have the time or means to cook healthy, balanced meals for myself. I worked while taking a maximum course load while interning while volunteering while holding an officer position in my sorority, so making time for the gym was honestly a last resort. I assumed that I would always be that way…until I wasn’t. I decided I wasn’t having it anymore. I changed how I ate. I started exercising about five days a week. I cut down on quantities. I made healthier choices. And I got skinny.
I dropped more than 30 pounds, and I look the best I’ve ever looked. I don’t have abs yet, but I have a pretty flat stomach. My face is more angular, and I actually like being in pictures now. I alternated wearing the same three outfits for far too long because I had to completely rebuild my wardrobe from scratch, piece by piece. It was the most I’ve ever worked for anything, but I’m finally happy with the way I look. Most importantly, I’m healthier and I feel amazing. I know I made the right decision for my health, and I wake up proud of myself every day. I am a former fat girl, and here are our confessions.
We hate Throwback Thursdays.
Of all the Instagram hashtags I dislike, this one is my absolute least favorite. I scroll through my old tagged photos, and I can’t bring myself to repost anything. “I look like a cow in that dress,” “my face is too fat,” and “I wish I was in the background of this picture” are the thoughts that sadly cross our minds. We get it, you like to brag about your better times, your trip to Europe, your twenty-first birthday. We have to remember those times without the hashtag, because unfortunately, we were four sizes bigger in those pictures.
We also hate Transformation Tuesdays.
Oh, so we can’t have Throwback Thursday, but we get this off-brand hashtag for the fat girls? Thanks…I think. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve considered making a picstitch of myself at my fattest and skinniest with the caption, “Down 35 pounds and in the best shape of my life! I look great and feel even better. Don’t let anyone tell you that you can’t do it, too! Living for my bitches #live.” There’s just something so self-centered and attention-seeking about this trend that I can’t get behind. Oh, so we can only celebrate someone’s success in weight loss if she posts about it on Instagram for likes? Cool. Let’s totally just ignore all of those humble people who’ve lost twice the amount of weight AND kept it off successfully. They don’t matter.
We have mixed feelings about the “Oh my God, you’re so skinny!” comments.
We appreciate and love them, but they make us feel so awkward because we remember where we’ve been. It definitely makes us feel flattered when we hear that we’ve lost weight. And then we realize that we have to respond, and things get awkward really fast. “Oh, thanks! It’s such an improvement over the cow I used to be!” The fact is that these comments make us feel so awkward because you’re stating the obvious: that we both know I used to be fat. Instead, try, “That dress looks amazing on you!” It’ll be much less awkward for both of us, trust me.
When you casually tell us you’re jealous, we really have a hard time holding our tongue.
I can’t tell you the number of times someone has said to me, “Oh my God, you’re just so skinny and I’m jealous” to me while eating fro-yo with about a pound of crumbled Oreos on top. We want to tell you that it took us months of work in the gym and a Herculean amount of self-control in the kitchen to look this way. Don’t just act like this is the way we are–it took an enormous amount of hard work, and we’re beyond proud of it. We want to say, “You could do this, too! This isn’t my body type! My normal body type is a great white whale! Come to the gym with me and you’ll look like this and we’ll be hot together, and please, for the love of pumpkin spice lattes, stop eating things covered in hot fudge in front of me!”
We hate it when you ask us if we’re eating.
Yes, we’re eating. We’re just eating healthy amounts of healthy foods. Please don’t shove dessert in front of our faces because you think we need it. We’re actually terrified of going back to the way we were. Just because we lost a decent amount of weight, it doesn’t mean we’re anorexic. It means that we realized eating Big Macs for multiple meals a day was vastly unhealthy, and we switched to salmon and spinach so we don’t die at the young age of 29 covered in bacon grease. We are eating. Please stop assuming that the only way we could achieve a flat stomach is by starving ourselves. It’s horribly offensive. Just stop.
We have a really hard time with the “accept yourself as you are” movement that’s currently happening.
Before you start hating me, hear me out. I don’t think that anyone, anywhere, at any time should be made fun of for her appearance. Ever. With that being said, I refuse to celebrate unhealthy habits and unhealthy lifestyles. Overeating is as much of an eating disorder as bulimia or anorexia. I should know. I had it. I’m now in the best shape of my life and I’m so happy with how I look and how I feel. I feel my best because I wake up healthy, knowing that I’ve made the best decision for myself and my body. It irritates me to my very core to hear people say, “This is just how I am and I accept it.” No! I used to be an absolute whale, and I worked really hard not to be. I think that while you should never, ever, ever in a million years make fun of someone else for his or her appearance, you should always be striving to be the best possible version of yourself. Love yourself, but I promise you will love yourself even more when you’re at the healthiest you’ve ever been. I promise..