The 7 Awful People You See At the Gym

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I hate the gym. It’s hot, crowded, and you always have to stand in line to use the equipment. But the one thing the gym is good for (beside working out I guess) is people watching.

The Spandex Shorts Girls
The gym at my school is designed so all the big, heavy machines are in the basement and the cardio machines are on the main floor. Consequently, this means all the boys are in the basement. So my question is if the majority of the male gym population is in the basement, who are you showing off for? I have my own butt, thank you very much and I don’t really feel like seeing yours.

The Ab Girls
You’ve been doing abs for an hour. No one should do abs for an hour.

The First Timers
I remember my first time…at the gym. These newbies can be spotted by their lost and confused expressions. They will usually wander around aimlessly for a couple minutes before deciding the elliptical is probably a safe place. This brings me to…

The Ellipticalers
This is where you will find the entire sorority population. It’s where I do all my best people watching, catch up on “Law and Order: SVU,” and if I’m feeling lazy, I can say I worked out for an hour without actually breaking a sweat.

The Treadmill Walkers
If you can text while on the treadmill, you’re doing it wrong.

The Frat Pack
Because you really need five brothers to help spot you while you lift. They can usually be seen holding a protein shake or “waiting” for a set of dumbbells to free up.

The Overachievers
Unlike a large majority of gym goers, these rare individuals actually look like they belong. They have their workouts down pat. After running six miles on the treadmill at 10 mph, they complete some dizzying combination of weight lifting, jumping, and thrusting. To be honest, they scare the shit out of me.

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Mrs.CaptainMorgan is a slightly passive aggressive premed with a love for dark liquors and white wines.

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