You did it! You finally found a cute boy to go home with (after sister approval, of course). You managed to get a ride back to his fraternity and proceeded to shack the night away. But the next thing you know, the sun is up and your ever-so-fantastic night has turned into the awkward situation that is morning. While it’s never fun to be the one scrambling around trying to find her clothes and make a hasty exit, take solace in the fact that we have all, quite literally, been there. And the struggle is painful, it’s all part of the inevitable process of getting home and nursing your hanging while watching HGTV like our founders intended for us.
1. Where Am I/Who’s Next To Me?
So you blacked out a little last night, nbd. Now you’ve found yourself in unfamiliar territory. You look around the room filled with empty beer cans and the smell of boy and don’t recognize a thing. You’re proud of yourself for getting laid, but also pissed off that you didn’t find a way home immediately afterward. You try to get a glimpse of the body sleeping next to you, but actually, you’re too scared of what might be hiding under the sheets. Instead, you mentally prepare yourself for your escape.
2. Sneaking Out Of Bed
Obviously you’ve decided to sleep on the wall side of the twin bed making it that much more difficult to break out. Little by little, you take the covers off of yourself, being sure to cause no disturbance on his side of the bed (which is actually impossible considering its size). He stops snoring and you have a mini panic attack that he’s waking. Luckily, he rolls over and continues his slumber. In one abrupt move you jump out of bed. It’s all or nothing at this point.
3. Finding Your Things
In a rush to get your freak on last night, you managed to throw your clothes all over the room. Smooth one. Now it’s time to complete the scavenger hunt you’ve made for yourself. You found your skirt on the floor, your shirt in the corner, and your bra draped over a chair. Your shoes are next to the door and your purse, thank God, made it to the nightstand. But every single freaking time, it is impossible to find your underwear. I guess it makes sense. That skimpy piece of fabric could really hide anywhere. But it’s such an important piece of the puzzle. You wouldn’t be caught dead leaving your thong in some guy’s room — that has disaster written all over it. After a hectic five-minute search, you find the thing tangled up in a pile of his clothes. Typical. You’re not really feeling exiting this place in the skimpy clothes you thought were appropriate to wear out last night, so you snag a rush shirt from the dude’s closet. He’s got enough. He’ll never notice.
4. Accidentally Waking Him Up And Having To Make Small Talk
In your hurried movement to find your clothes, you made enough noise to wake him up. Here we go, now we have to socialize…sober. If this is your first time hooking up with the dude, I’m saying my prayers. The small talk is going to be all types of uncomfortable. How much do you even know about each other to talk about?! And the things you wanna know, his year, his major, his name…you can’t ask because you’re sure you covered those basics last night. Instead you tell him that you had a good night and maybe you’ll see him around.
5. Trying To Get Home
To avoid any more awkwardness with your man of the evening, it’s vital that you get a ride home with one of your sisters or do a walk of shame, depending on the house’s proximity to yours. Your phone battery is at 8 percent. You text your pledge sister and pray that she replies in the seconds it normally takes her. She doesn’t. The one time you want this bitch glued to her phone, she isn’t. Fifteen painful minutes later, phone seconds from its death, she says she’s on her way. At this point, the guy has fallen back asleep, so bored with your small talk. Don’t worry, it’s mutual dude.
6. Avoiding Any And All Other Brothers
Your sister lets you know she’s pulled in the driveway and it’s time to complete the last step of your mission. You bust out of frat boy’s room and down the hallway. You’ve successfully made it down one floor without seeing anyone. Now two! One more floor to go and you’re feeling good about it. There’s no way any of these guys would be awake before noon anyways, right? Wrong. As you walk past the living room, at least ten of them are wide awake, checking you out. The judgement can be physically felt. You recognize one of them as your partner in a group project and want to cry at the thought of meeting with him on Monday. At this point you’re running out the door and into your sister’s car. That’s enough cardio for the week.
7. Seeing Him In Public
You thought the worst of it was over. Think again. It’s Monday now and you’ve mostly forgotten about your weekend shenanigans. You’re walking to your 10 a.m. class when you see a familiar face in the distance. Of course. Just your luck. You consider embedding your face in your phone so you won’t have to talk to him. That would be even more awkward. You look elsewhere until he is right beside you and then slide in a simple “hey.” He gives you a little nod hello and you spend your entire time in class over analyzing his actions.
Hooking up with guys is so much work. I’m never doing it again. At least, not until next weekend..
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Blackout_B
Blackout_B (@b_m4rie) enjoys drinking beer by the gallon and making memories she'll never actually remember. When she isn't embarrassing herself by making out with randos on the dance floor, you can find her pretending it's normal to drink a glass of wine with breakfast every day. It's fun to sit down with her on Sunday mornings and hear how fucked up her weekend was.
@b_m4rie
@b_m4rie
