1) The “I’m cold, come cuddle” snap
Best sent during the cold winter months, this snap is very transparent. You think last night’s makeup still looks cute and you don’t want to waste it even though you’ve realize you’re not doing shit today. Some girls may replace it with a “good morning” snap. Regardless, these snaps show that you are fishing for compliments in the most obvious way possible, and also that given just the right amount of attention, you might segue to nudes.
2) The “making sure you think of me today” snap
These are Instagram selfies for girls who are not quite shameless enough to post a selfie to Instagram. Generally taken in the car on your way to run errands on a day where your makeup is looking particularly fresh to death, and your cleavage is looking particularly bouncy. Girls will likely add this photo to their story, because they’re feeling attention whorey, but then relentlessly check who’s viewed the story, because she really only sent it to make sure the guy she’s into sees it.
3) The “I’m having so much fun without you” snap
It’s practically law in girl world: the only way to show people you’re having fun is by making a duck face in a Snapchat with your friends. These are generally unnecessary, and they all look exactly the same, meaning you’ll never be able to distinguish one “fun” activity from another in your hypothetical Snapchat scrapbook. Regardless, this is a staple in the Snapchat selfie regimen.
4) The “I promise I’m not just posing in the gym” snap
A cry for attention, these snaps are my favorite. No one needs to send a snap in the gym for any reason, and your flexed muscle arm isn’t fooling anyone. You just want to take a picture of yourself in a sports bra, because it’s the only bra that’s not slutty. Just own it. Take bikini pics at home, or better yet, just send your half-nude pics to the guy you were hoping would view them, because I feel like an accidental lesbian when I pull out my phone in class and people catch me looking at a naked chick.
5) The “I love everything about my sorority” snap
These snaps are always fun to watch because everyone loves their organization. This could be a picture as simple as a jersey day or a group of sisters hanging out. Most of the time these are sent out just because we want to tell the world how amazing our sorority is. I have nothing bad to say about this, and if you do, come back when you’ve been offered a bid card.
6) The “Im a badass bitch” snap
Girls without resting bitch face need not apply. This selfie needs to look so angry hot that no one will mess with you. If your eyebrows are naturally pointy, this look is even better. It will send every girl the message that you’re out for blood and it will either make his dick go from 6 to midnight in an instant or retreat back up inside his body in terrified submission. Either way, win-win.
7) The “I’m drunk, bitches” snap
The only word to describe this snap is disaster. You should never take a drunk selfie, because they never come out how you hope. Regardless, they happen, and they happen often, for two reasons: 1) The snap sender is too drunk to take a normal photo and thinks standards can’t find her here. 2) She hasn’t posted anything to Snapchat for awhile, and she wants to remind people that she RAGES. The best part of these is you get to play a really fun game in the morning called “who can wake up the earliest to delete their story before someone uses it as blackmail first.” You never win that game. No one does..