The 9 Steps To Causing a Scene


Have you ever been blood boiling mad but happened to be in public, and then felt as if you had to suppress your desire to scream at literally everyone around you? Yeah, same. But sometimes you just have to let it all out, because people are dumb, and you are dramatic. Frat boy pissing you off? Rival sorority president infuriating you to no end? Whatever it may be, sometimes you might just need to cause a scene. So, if you HAVE to do it, make sure you do it the right way.

  1. Start with side eye.
    So bitches know that you’re angry.
  2. Stir up shit with everyone in the surrounding area.
    “Oh my God, Lucy, did you HEAR what he just said about me?” Repeat as many times as necessary.
  3. Let your passive aggressiveness show.
    “No, no, it’s fine. I’m fine. I mean, why wouldn’t I be fine? Not angry at all.”
  4. Then just let your aggressiveness show.
    This is the time for you to lose your goddamn shit. Call people out while yelling. Don’t hold back. Let your inner psycho bitch show. No one is safe while you are in confrontation mode.
  5. Be physically held back.
    As you lunge for the bitch that pissed you off, have your sister/friend hold you back (especially because this could be considered assault and in reality you don’t want to go to jail).
  6. Yell “HOLD ME BACK!” as you are already being held back.
    Just for reinforcement in case they let go.
  7. Optional: Start Crying.
    Nothing makes people more uncomfortable than the tears of a crazy person.
  8. Always get the last word.
    Now that you’ve caused a huge scene you can’t not have the last word. Finish off strong. End with whatever you feel is appropriate. I recommend a dismissive “go fuck yourself.”
  9. Angrily storm out.
    Make sure to push people aside and slam some doors while you’re at it.
  10. Bonus points if you’re sober.

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    Conductor of the struggle bus. I have no idea what I'm doing.

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