The Anatomy Of A Frat Guy

The Anatomy Of A Frat Guy

Fraternity gentleman have been a fixture at universities across the country for decades. They are part of a time-honored tradition, and are a well-known species on the modern-day college campus. They can most often be found in their basement party rooms and in the stands of their football stadiums, or taking their intramurals more seriously than Kanye is taking his campaign prep. On rare occasions, they can be spotted at the library, though this occurrence increases exponentially around midterms and finals season. Though the frat guy may vary from composite to composite, he never quite changes his stripes. Over time, the look of the frat guy has evolved. He has traded in his popped-collar polo in favor of a ludicrously printed Hawaiian shirt, and exchanged his flip phone and little black book for an iPhone with a full contact list of girls with Greek letters next to their names.

On his head: A visor, usually with his school logo or mascot featured prominently. Legend has it that many years ago, in the early 2000s, one smart fraternity man noticed the increased amount of women graduating college with multiple degrees. He hatched a plan, popped a question, and woke up one morning as a stay-at-home dad. At first, he was ridiculed by his buddies. When they realized he was able to spend his mornings playing football with his son in the park, and his evenings watching Sports Center in peace under the guise of folding laundry, they quickly changed their tune. Undergrads overheard him bragging at the bar during homecoming, and admired the way that he was seamlessly able to juggle feeding the baby strapped to his stomach while slinging back gin and tonics. The easiest way to convince a lady that you’re down-to-dad is by throwing on a visor- an iconic symbol of dad-ism if there ever was one. It also works to shade his eyes during Game Day, and to shield their faces from girlfriends of months past.
Also see: Bucket hats for the less experienced.

In his hand: Depending on what part of the country the fraternity gentleman resides, his ice-cold beer of choice will fluctuate from Coors Light to Natty Ice, to Keystone. Almost always watery, and usually bottom shelf, the fraternity gentleman says “Damn the calories,” but also “I’ll be drinking at least 12 of these today and I’m really trying to take watch my figure.” LOL, just kidding, he buys basically whatever is cheapest until about junior year. As a newly-minted upperclassman, the frat guy realizes that while he isn’t above the bottom-shelf brewskies of his recent youth, he begins to enjoy a nice six-pack of IPAs at his parties from time to time. In all reality, he has probably just figured out that after his sixth beer he can no longer taste the difference, and will switch to whatever the social chair purchased for the remainder of the night.
Also see: plastic handles of cheap vodka and rum for the Frat Stars who black out like it’s their day job.

On his bod: The frat guy’s preferred outfit hinges on the type of frat guy you’re dealing with. The more culturally-aware fraternity man can often be seen in loud, bright Hawaiian shirts. Brands vary from Tommy Bahama and Rowdy Gentleman, to tags-ripped-out-and-found-at-Goodwill. I’m not sure what attracts boys and men alike to these colorful printed shirts, but I am sure that the dudes rocking them almost always have a high chill-to-pull ratio, and that they will be a staple in most wardrobes until they’re wearing them on the golf course, margarita in hand like they’re Jimmy Buffett.

The athletic frat guy is usually found in some “Rush Beta Omega” pinny, or jersey from their favorite team. Being close friends with the athletic frat guy is always fun, because you soon realize that he doesn’t just have his favorite player’s jerseys, but jerseys from the entire O-line. If you’re extra nice and bake for them, you might even convince him to let you borrow one for Halloween so that you can go as a slutty Lamar Odom. Score. The party Frat Star is never not in a shirt from a date dash/function. How he finds the time to go to every party on campus and still keep his GPA above the University’s deficient cut-off will remain a mystery, though you can assume it has to do with both his house’s study files, and the plethora of smart girls he has wrapped around his fingers with the possibility of attending formal on his arm.

The classic frat guy knows that the old standbys will never go out of style, and chooses to fill his closet with a rainbow of polo’s and button downs. And he’s right- sorority women across the country know that there’s just something about guys that dress like they’re thirty-five and is on his way home from Goldman Sachs or the country club. Cha-ching.
Also see: Patagonia vests, Long sleeve tee’s for the outdoorsy Frat Star.

In his pocket: There’s nothing that the frat guy likes more than going balls-to-the-wall as often as possible. I’ve been told by multiple frat guys that if they “ever smoked sober” they would “definitely throw up.” While these statements are questionable at best, it is true that the second they have a little alcohol coursing through their veins, they want nicotine in their lungs. The Frat Star almost always has at least one or two cigarette’s in his pocket, waiting until he calls them to active duty. He also usually has a Bic somewhere in the pocket of his khaki’s. On any given night, some Frat Star or another can be found on the front porch looking to bum a cigarette or a light from a brother who planned ahead. Everyone knows that cocaine is the Frat Star’s glitter, and if their wallet is missing a little felony-in-a-bag, it’s only because they’ve already crushed it using their student ID. Cocaine is one hell of a drug, but that doesn’t stop the Frat Star from holding a little nose party once or twice a week.
Also see: Weed for the Frat Star with the Bob Marley poster and Adderall for the Frat Star on the Dean’s List.

On his feet: The saying goes, don’t fix what isn’t broken, and it couldn’t be truer in this case. For decades, Frat Stars have been wearing Sperrys, and for decades to come Frat Stars will be wearing Sperrys. Boat shoes are a Greek stand-by, because they’re comfortable, functional, and effortless. Sure, they will make a dude’s feet stink more than a plugged toilet in the pledge’s wing of the house, but there’s no way in hell they’re going to stick a sock on that foot. It wrecks the whole aesthetic. The only possible exception is when it’s below thirty degrees out, but personally, I don’t even think it should be acceptable then. Through pledging, through keg-stands, through pick-up games of football, boat shoes are the single item most synonymous with the frat guy.. He loves his pairs, and if they could talk they would probably say they love him back and that it wouldn’t kill him to sprinkle a little baby powder inside every once in a blue moon.
Also see: New Balance 993.

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A native Seattleite and self-proclaimed Snapchat queen, she's been a coffee addict since she found out what a coffee bean was. Believer in and promoter of the #freeguac and #freegucci movements. She is obsessed with all things Harry Potter and has been known to stop people at parties to tell them how to remove the wine from their clothes. In her spare time, she enjoys baking, writing for TSM, and pretending like she has her act together. Hit her up @

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