The Bachelor Weekly Standings: Week 5

The producers stepped it up this week and Nick and the girls are sent to New Orleans. The girls hoe around the street for a little bit until the dates start. Let’s see how our girls did this week.

Still In The Game

Alexis, 23, aspiring dolphin trainer, Secaucus, NJ


Performance This Week: The scariest thing she could think of was Nicholas Cage, so Nick chased her around with a Nicholas Cage mask. If she’s not your favorite, you’re wrong.

Odds: 1/85

Corrine, 24, business owner, Miami, FL


Performance This Week: The queen of manipulation is back. She had to go on a filthy two-on-one date to the bayou. She told Nick that Taylor bullied her and then they made out a bunch. The tarot reader reveals that she has cutting words and the things she says makes things blow up. Then she asked how to make a voodoo doll of Taylor, which is wildly inappropriate, but the reader gave her one anyway. But in the end, Corinne gets the rose, which literally everyone saw coming.

Odds: 1/35

Danielle L., 27, small business owner, Los Angeles, CA


Performance This Week: She is wearing less makeup to let her lack of personality shine through.

Odds: 1/25

Danielle M., 31, neonatal nurse, Nashville, TN


Performance This Week: Nick is starting to get closer with the other girls, but it seems like she is still in the back of his mind. She got the group date rose, even though they had the most boring one-on-one conversation.

Odds: 1/20

Jaimi, 28, chef, New Orleans, LA


Performance This Week: Jaimi was ready to stir the haunted house pot as soon as she could, but she didn’t really get involved when the girls were breaking off with Nick.

Odds: 1/80,000

Jasmine G., 29, pro basketball dancer, San Francisco, CA


Performance This Week: Jasmine is the only one who was being rational about the situation. She even put a hat on and was goofing around. Mad respect for her. She even touched a statue and the chandelier fell to the ground and didn’t freak out, but after more weird shit keeps “happening,” she gets more and more scared.

Odds: 1/200

Josephine, 24, unemployed nurse, Santa Cruz, CA


Performance This Week: She acted normal for the first time all season, which is quite the improvement. One of the producers must have told her to chill tf out.

Odds: 1/1,000

Kristina, 24, dental hygienist, Lexington, KY


Performance This Week: No airtime.

Odds: 1/9,000

Rachel, 31, attorney, Dallas, TX


Performance This Week: Rachel got the one-on-one date, which is a long time coming considering she got the first impression rose. The two of them take a dorky, touristy trip through New Orleans and then they get their own parade, which is every girl’s dream. The live band that they went to watch gave the goddamn performance of their lives while Rachel just talked over top of them about how much fun’s she’s having. They “eat dinner” in, like, this weird parade float warehouse and Rachel brings up a dead family member, which is starting to become a recurring theme. They talk a little more and of course she gets the rose. For the second time, Nick describes her as a woman that he wants for the rest of his life.

Odds: 1/9

Raven, 25, fashion boutique owner, Hoxie, AR


Performance This Week: Raven went upstairs with Nick and Whitney to find the creepy doll is missing. She makes Jasmine go back and spread some good juju. You can see how into her Nick is, but she said that she fell in love with him. He didn’t answer, but he seemed excited.

Odds: 1/10

Vanessa, 29, special education teacher, Montreal, Quebec, Canada


Performance This Week: She’s still riding on that iconic puking-on-an-airplane date.

Odds: 1/16

Whitney, 25, Pilates instructor, Chanhassen, MN


Performance This Week: Running out of things to say about her. Just so boring.

Odds: 1/900,000

Eliminated This Week

Astrid, 26, plastic surgery office manager, Tampa, FL


Performance This Week: This is as far as her tits have been able to keep her afloat.

Reason For Elimination: Dud.

Sarah, 26, grade school teacher, Newport Beach, CA


Performance This Week: The poor thing just wants love, but I don’t think TB is where she should look for it.

Reason For Elimination: Too “nice.”

Taylor, 23, mental health counselor, Seattle, WA


Performance This Week: Taylor has been kind of cold all season, but her fight with Corinne has really brought it out in her. Everyone knows Corinne is batshit, but is she maybe right about her? She keeps talking about how much more mature can she actually be when she keeps calling Corinne a bitch? The tarot reading reveals that she is a very emotive person and she needs to move away from a toxic person (*camera pans to Corinne shit talking Taylor*). He tells Nick her side of the story, while Corinne pokes a voodoo doll of Taylor. Then she fucking SHOWS UP TO THE ONE-ON-ONE DATE. But in the end, she’s still going home. You can’t fight crazy with crazy.

Reason For Elimination: She messed with the wrong bitch.

Fill up your wine glasses, fill out your brackets, and see you all next week.

Images via ABC, florianheger

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Ali Hin

A born and raised Jersey girl, she can always be found covered in sand and pizza sauce. Her personal brand is "that girl." She prefers wine in bottles because she thinks outside of the box. Send fan mail to [email protected] or by smoke signal.

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