There are two types of girls: those who have had every detail of their Halloween costume planned out since the beginning of August, and those who just realized that Halloween is less than a week away and are now panicking at the thought of having to throw a costume together. As a member of the latter category, the couple of days prior to All Hallow’s Eve have me scrambling through bins at Goodwill, looking for pieces to make up a costume that’s probably going to be more funny than sexy, but will still result in trip-digit Instagram likes by the end of the night. If you’re like me, you may be about to freak out, but don’t worry – I’ve got your back. Luckily for you, I came up with some last-minute Halloween costumes that are not only excellent, but also have the added benefit of being srat AF, so you can wear them to your pumpkin carving date party with ease.
Convince seven pledges to follow you around all night and bestow praise on you constantly. Eat any and all food that’s handed to you, and eventually just fall asleep and wait for a rich, handsome man to rescue you. Use an old sheet from a prior toga party to make yourself a cape, and voila! You’ve achieved princess status without lifting so much as a finger.
The Mean Girls
Get a couple of pledge sisters together who slacked on their costumes as much as you did. Wear pink or don’t, it’s completely up to you, but spend the night walking around insulting everyone you meet. Make everyone agree that you think you’re really pretty.
A Snapchat Filter
While for the more prepared individual this may require a steady hand and a face full of makeup, all you’ll need is a smartphone. Pull out your iPhone, snap yourself wearing the flower crown, and send it to everyone at the party.
A Couple’s Costume
No, don’t get me wrong – you don’t actually have to plan a costume for two. What’s the entire point of a couple’s costume? To show everyone in the room that you have a boyfriend while those losers with their “witty” costumes are single AF. Show up with a guy in tow, stand on the bar, and loudly announce to the entire room that you have a boyfriend, and it sucks to suck if you came here alone. Continue at the party until you inevitably get kicked out.
Listen, I get it. Sometimes you’re really just not in the mood to get out of bed, or even put on pants for that matter. If Halloween rolls around you’d rather spend the night with Netflix, tell your friends you’re going as a straight-A student. Skip the party to “study” instead.
Take a bunch of shots and call your boyfriend 49 times in a row. Start crying on call number 12, and leave detailed messages when you’ve run down his battery. Send him pictures of engagement rings and wedding dresses, and keep asking him where he sees the relationship heading. Every man within eyesight will think you’re the scariest girl at the party.
A Hot Mess
So you agreed to host the Halloween party but you haven’t cleaned your apartment in a month. While this may seem troubling at first glance, I have a solution for you. Put down the bleach spray, and invite over a hundred of your closest friends with the dishes spilling out of the sink. Walk around in just a bra and tell everyone you’re a hot mess.