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The Best Things To Learn From Your Worst Relationship

Bad relationships suck, and they happen to everyone at some point. No matter how bad it was though, our worst relationship probably had a valuable lesson in there somewhere. I mean, all of that bullshit couldn’t have been for nothing, right? So, in order to prove that even the worst of the bad relationships we’ve had taught us something we can use going forward, we asked our fellow writers to share the best thing they learned from their worst relationship.

Lucky Jo: The best thing I learned from my worst relationship is that it is always a bad idea to associate with a man who tucks his polos into his underwear. He might insist that this hack is “practical.” Trust me, this delusion only suggests that his judgment will be severely impaired in several other aspects. For example, aside from his lack of fashion etiquette, he could also have the audacity to maintain three female “best friends” on Snapchat, none of whom are you. Do yourself a favor and avoid this mess by steering clear of the men with bulky waistlines.

ShutUpandRead: The best thing I learned from my worst relationship is that cheaters rarely change. Seriously, if he does it once, he’ll do it again. Take a lesson from that girl in “He’s Just Not That Into You” and remember that you’re probably not the exception, you’re the rule. Oh, and when he warns you that he might be tagged in a picture where it LOOKS like he was grabbing some girl’s chest but he totally wasn’t, he’s lying. He was totally groping her. Annnnnd they probably made out.

Drunk but NOT in Love: When I was 18, my ex-boyfriend (who was 25 at the time) got arrested for drunk driving and crashing his car into a construction site. The police report said that when the cops arrived at the scene, they found the suspect in question kneeling next to a pile of dirt…eating it. When asked why he was eating the dirt, he casually responded, “I needa sober up before the po come, man.” So, bottom line, if you’re your ex-boyfriend’s one phone call from jail, don’t bail him out. Especially if he’s broke and the only way he can repay you is with weed…and you hate smoking weed.

Babe Lincoln: The best thing I’ve ever learned from a relationship is the importance of speaking up. Too many of us stand idly by and hold in our feelings just to hold the status quo. In reality, who gives a fuck if your guy is happy if you’re going to end up miserable. If something is wrong, speak up. If something is great, speak up. Talk all the time about every feeling you have. You’d rather have a guy see you at your craziest and realize that’s as bad as it’s going to get…and it isn’t all that bad.

Yeahokaywhat: The best thing I learned from my worst relationship is that assholes are never to be licked. If he’s lactose intolerant and eats ice cream, he just might shit his pants. Farting is never a “relationship goal.” Basically, I learned a whole lot of butt stuff. Sorry, Mom.

RecruitmentChairTSM: The best thing I learned from my worst relationship is that just because a guy is a good person, it doesn’t mean he’s a good person to you. There’s a huge difference, and unfortunately, I was blinded by that for three years with an ex. I let myself get strung along with the hopes that I could change how this boy thought about me, because I knew he was a good person and that he’d eventually come around. He didn’t, and although he was still a good person, this made him a bad person in my life. Letting him go was one of the best decisions I ever made.

Topanga: The worst “relationship” I was ever in was the best thing to ever happen to me. Why, you ask? Well, I learned that no matter how fantastic the first three dates are, don’t fucking hold onto them if he’s a dick come date number four. Here’s a real conversation I had with my best friend:

Friend: “But he literally KICKED YOU OUT into the cold for not sleeping with him, knowing you had nowhere to go.”
Me: “Yeah, but, like, on our first date he complimented my earrings and said he loves Zac Brown Band, too.”

Dates one, two, and three are just a show. He is putting up a face. Date four is where the real guy comes out. If you still like him by date four, proceed. If he magically becomes an asshole by date four, remember he didn’t actually “magically” become one. He was just hiding it those first three dates.

LNSayers: The best thing I learned from my worst relationship? I’m enough. I don’t need someone’s validity or the lack thereof to make or break me. There are more than seven billion people on this planet, and if you can’t take me as who I am, there’s someone out there who will.

2NOTBrokeGirls: The one important lesson I learned from my worst relationship is that you never know what’s lurking underneath. By underneath, I mean literally under his clothes. In this case, it was colored briefs. I don’t mean black–I mean red, purple, orange. The first time we stripped down, I could barely contain my giggles at the sight. Here was this pretty, buttoned-up fraternity guy and his underwear was rainbow colored. Although, it turned out that his adventurous undies also meant he was pretty adventurous in bed. Even though in the end he turned out to be a total douchebag, I learned that you can’t judge a book by its cover.

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Jenna Crowley

Jenna used to be known as 2NOTBrokeGirls, but then one of the girls actually went broke, so she's struck out on her own. Jenna spends her free time saving the world, one sorority girl at a time (usually while wearing yoga pants), questioning why she decided to get a doctorate, and documenting her love of all things cheese related. You can ask her anything you want about football, using your boobs to get what you want, and pizza at @JennaLCrowley on Twitter or via email at JennaLCrowley@gmail.com.

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