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The English Language As Defined By Sorority Girls

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In the immortal words of Inigo Montoya from The Princess Bride, “You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.”

Gypsy

Actual definition: A member of a traditionally itinerant people who originated in northern India and now live chiefly in south and southwest Asia, Europe, and North America.

Phrase: Fleeing persecution from the Nazi regime, a gypsy family, hailing from Romania, sought refuge in London in 1941. Many others followed.

Sorority definition: One who loves maxi dresses, Dave Matthews Band, oversized sunglasses, middle parts, braided headbands, fishtail braids, and $3,000 purses.

Phrase: Did you see the Coachella lineup? I’m absolutely going. I can’t wait to wear that new Anthropologie dress. God, I’m such a fucking gypsy. I like…am such a Jessa. Do you want to go shopping later? J.Crew is having an awesome sale.

Dead

Actual definition: No longer alive or living.

Phrase: It is with great sorrow that we announce that Sally Smith is dead. She lived a full life of ninety-three years and is survived by her two children and seven grandchildren.

Sorority definition: Something good, bad, exciting, terrifying, happy, sad, or LOL-worthy just happened — but it’s too hard to describe the complexity of the emotion. Syn: lost the ability to even.

Phrase: OMG. Jake just texted me the funniest cat video of all time, I’m, like, dead. LITERALLY. DEAD. Do not resuscitate. The living has ceased to exist.

Tote

Actual definition: To carry by hand.

Phrase: She toted the baby around all day, for little Sarah cried whenever her mom put her down.

Sorority definition: 100%, absolutely, positively, for sure, omg YES.

Phrase: Did you hear about the rager Tommy is throwing tomorrow night? I’m totes going. I’m gonna suck his…face, for sure. Are you wearing underwear tonight? I don’t think I’m going to. But it’s whatever.

Bye

Actual Definition: A concluding remark or gesture at parting — often used interjectionally.

Phrase: With a heavy heart, she said bye to her parents as she packed up her car and headed off to college.

Sorority Definition: The inability to handle something, not wanting to deal with something, not knowing the proper word to describe something. Typically follows a judgmental or jealous statement.

Phrase: Did you see Jenny’s engagement ring? It’s fucking huge. I mean, I wouldn’t even want a ring that big — it just draws attention to her fat fingers. Whatever. I don’t even care. Like. Bye. It’s not even worth talking about anymore. I’m gonna call Sarah and tell her.
Alternate spelling: Bai.

OK

Actual Definition: Fairly good; agreeable.

Phrase: Claire felt at ease at the restaurant and when her date asked how she was doing, she said that she was doing ‘OK.’ He took this as a sign that a second date might be in the near future.

Sorority Definition: Oftentimes, shortened to ‘K,’ it is the antithesis of the normal definition. ‘K’ is the opposite of both ‘good’ and ‘agreeable.’ Generally put at the end of a sentence or used as a simple response, it signifies that the speaker wants to both punch you in the face and watch you die.

Phrase: He hasn’t texted me in like three hours. What the hell is that? Like. K. I hate you too, you fucking prick.

[via Merriam-Webster]

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Catie Warren

From Rush To Rehab (@catie__warren) is a semi-fuctioning adult who has been celebrating her 21st birthday for the past three years. She attended college in the nation’s capital and to this day is angry that Pit Bull lied to her, as you cannot, in fact, party on The White House lawn. Prior to her success with TSM, Rehab was most famous for being featured in her hometown newspaper regarding her 5th grade Science Fair Project for which she did not place. In her spare time, she enjoys attributing famous historical quotes to Marilyn Monroe and getting in fights with thirteen year olds on twitter. Email: catie@grandex.co

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