The Five Worst People On Pinterest

Aside from online shopping and stalking my newest hookup (who just so happens to sit on the other side of the lecture hall), Pinterest is one of my favorite internet pastimes. It’s the perfect medium for me to distract myself from the tedium that I’d otherwise be drowning in if I were participating in typical class activities such as note-taking. Let’s face it, when the slides are posted online, and there are spring pledges to provide you with further notes, your time would be better (and more productively) spent on something that will actually be relevant to your life someday: planning your future wedding, or finding crafts to make for your future little! As wonderful as Pinterest is, as Shakespeare would say (I did pick up a thing or two in school), “Even the most beautiful rose has thorns.” Pinterest is no exception. There is an issue that needs to be addressed, and I have no qualms about saying it: some people should have their pinning privileges revoked, and I would love nothing more than for them to fall into a hole somewhere.

1. The Mommy Blogger

You are literally the most annoying person to follow in the world. Your Pinterest existence can be attributed solely to the fact that you have nothing to do with your life other than drive the carpool on Tuesdays and drink cheap wine. While I aspire to be a successful trophy wife one day, you clearly epitomize the exact opposite of what one should be. You take more pleasure in sitting around, sharing casserole and laundry ideas than anything else. Ew. Not only do I hope no one on this Earth ever has to eat a casserole made by you, but I pity your below average life. When I’m your age, I hope I barely have time to pin because my life is so filled with Pilates lessons, spa appointments, charity events, and fabulous parties, but good luck with your casseroles.

2. The Hipster/ Feminist

Why you even have a Pinterest account is beyond me because it appears to go against everything your counterculture stands for. Don’t clutter my boards with your weird, alternative photography, obnoxious tattoos, and obese female nudes. No one wants to see that. If you’re trying to be ironic, stop. Go look up the meaning of irony, while you’re at it.

3. The Over-Enthused Pinner

I kind of sympathize with you, from time to time. I mean, I get it. Sometimes we’re bored, or cracked out on Adderall, or really excited about the new Lilly line that was just released, resulting in pinning a little more than we’d intended, but you, darling, are a special case. You’ve had a Pinterest account for a year and a half and you have like 10,000 pins. How did you even do that? Do you do anything other than sit on Pinterest? Go outside. Take a walk around the block. Call a friend. Even if you pin the most precious things, it’s gotten to the point where I see your face all over my computer screen so often, that I have started plotting against you, and it’s not going to be pretty. Seriously, sweetie, slow down.

4. The Person Who Literally Copies All of Your Boards

Look, I know I’m perfect and that I have great ideas. I understand why you try to emulate me, but it’s time to stop. This has gone slightly passed confirmation of my perfection, and is now bordering on creepy. Try a little originality. Nobody likes a knockoff.

5.The Pinterest Commenter

The person who leaves comments all over Pinterest is the same person who posts Facebook statuses that no one cares about multiple times a day, and tweets often enough to put any one of the Real Housewives of Wherever to shame. A bit of advice for you: no one gives a damn about your every thought and feeling. Save it for your therapist, and then maybe find some non-virtual friends to talk to.

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Things_That_Sparkle (@SparkleThatTSM) is a contributing writer for Total Sorority Move.

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