New year, new boys. Luckily, Town and Country released a list of the top bachelors of 2014 just in time for formal season. While there’s always Ryan Gosling (swoon), and Adam Levine (is 2014 already the worst year ever because he’s tying the knot?), wouldn’t you prefer someone with more of a Gossip Girl pedigree? Start cybertalking now and you’ll be sure to have the perfect formal date come spring. Here are your husband hunting highlights:
Topping the list is David de Rothschild, 35. Sure, he’s a little old to hop on the bus to formal, but his name more than makes up for it. He sounds a little too “granola” for me, but any ladies who love Chacos should look into him. He’s a serious do-gooder, as a National Geographic Emerging Explorer, a Clean Up the World Ambassador, and a United Nations Environment Program Climate Hero. Sounds like this legacy has yet to embrace his family’s lifestyle, because his proudest achievement is rocking a jacket made of plastic water bottles. While he might read like a GDI, he’s a jet-setter, known to travel to Greenland and fly to St. Tropez the next day. Ladies, it looks like it might be time to renew those passports.
Do hipsters make you weak in the knees? Theo Spielberg is Hollywood royalty, a DJ, and a music writer for the Huffington Post. His band was just signed to Jay Z’s label, so you would basically be the new Beyonce. If you love music, look into locking down the sons of Rolling Stone magazine’s magnate. There are two of them, and they’re both smoking hot as far as hipsters go. Only drawback? You’ll have some stiff competition for 27-year-old Theo. He dated rock royalty Liv Tyler, and now he’s rumored to be locking lips with our girl MiCy. I’m sure you can tempt her away with lines in line for the bathroom, and then you can be their next cover girl. If you don’t feel like competing in a twerk-off, 22-year-old Gus was put in charge of the RS website directly after graduating from Brown, proving you really can have it all: an impressive boyfriend, and MiCy as a bestie.
Stavros Niarchos III makes the list, and if you’re wondering why the name sounds familiar, it’s because we’ve basically taken a time machine back to the early 2000s. He was Paris Hilton’s ex, so tread lightly. Sure, he’s a Greek tycoon which is what romance novels are made of, but is it really worth all those diseases? If you’re into a different kind of Greek, there’s always Patrick Schwarzenegger, 20. He’s a member of Lambda Chi at USC. He must have daddy issues up the wazoo, but at least he’d be a perfect formal date.
Is Jackie O your ultimate icon? You, too, can be a Kennedy. Robert F. Kennedy III is a Brown graduate who enjoys rock climbing in Tibet and spending time with Mariah Carey. If he’s not your type, there’s always Conor Kennedy, 19. While he’s still in high school, age ain’t nothing but a number, especially when it comes to a Kennedy (just ask Taylor Swift). If you’re hoping for a more age appropriate Kennedy, turn to Yale undergrad Jack Schlossberg. While he might not have the last name, he doesn’t have the baggage of being a Taylor Swift song.
Ronan Farrow, son of Mia (his father’s either Woody Allen or Frank Sinatra, unclear), is a 26-year-old genius with a ridiculously impressive resume, if you’re looking for an overachiever with a strong Twitter game. Ronan started college at Bard at age 11, and then graduated from Yale Law at 21. Since then he’s worked for the State Department and as a Rhodes Scholar. Casual.
Other notables? Evan Spiegel, 23, who reportedly turned down $3 billion from Facebook and $4 billion from Google for Snapchat. What could be more impressive than sexting with the founder of the app? Hopefully that would guarantee you wouldn’t be hacked, but you never know. If you’re searching for a letterman’s jacket, Corey Robinson is a Notre Dame freshman wide receiver who’s best buddies with his teammate Jesse Bongiovi, son of Bon Jovi. His dad is son of NBA Hall of Famer David Robinson. Adam Scott, last year’s Masters champion also lands on the list, as he should with that face. He’s a big fan of blondes, so call your hairdresser stat for an appointment.
Prince Harry lands himself at the end of this list. Lorde may say we’ll never be royals, but I won’t believe her until Prince Harry is officially off the market. I was always a fan of that ginger (once he’s in a crown you won’t be able to see his hair), and at least he has hair, unlike his big bro. Unfortunately, rumor has it that he’s about to propose to his long-suffering girlfriend Cressida. My only question is, will she wear a scrunchie at their wedding? If you know you were born to be queen, Prince Pierre Casiraghi, 26, is also on the market. He loves international brawling, like one he had with fellow bachelor Stavros Niarchos, but as sorority girls we’re used to barroom brawls (unfortunately), and that’s a small price to pay to be a princess. Last on the list is yet another member of the royal family.
ALL HAIL #51: Prince George Alexander Louis, 0.7
THE SKINNY: Heir to the throne.
LIKES: Being driven around in a Silver Cross pram; his mother (he has never been photographed without her); if his last appearance is any indication, dresses.
NATURAL HABITAT: Swaddled in Apartment 1A at Kensington Palace.
CAVEAT: He’s a screamer.
Sure, you might have to wait 18 years, but rocking a crown will more than make up for it.
[via Town and Country]
Image via Associated Press
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Fleur de Lilly
Fleur de Lilly (@margaretabrams) is a contributing writer for Total Sorority Move and Post Grad Problems. When she's not corrupting her big's baby, she can be found decoding texts, gravitating towards raised surfaces, and spending time with her gentleman caller, Jack Daniels. She loves Lilly, Louisiana, and her lineage.
@margaretabrams
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