The Official TSM 2016 Olympics Drinking Game


It’s here. The Olympics. The every other year excuse (seriously, it’s like every other year) to get drunk and shout “America.” Well, you know. Another excuse to get drunk and shout America. So as your boyfriend ignores you yet again for sports and you wish that gymnastics lasted the entire time, here’s a drinking game to help you pass the time and forget that you drunkenly cried over field hockey. At a bar. In public.

  • Drink every time you question the age of an athlete.
  • And finish your drink when you find out they’re younger than you.
  • Take a shot when the camera hovers over some nice bulge, after casting it an appreciative glance.
  • Casually sip your drink and avoid eye-contact when your boyfriend catches you checking out an athlete.
  • And chug that drink when you catch your boyfriend checking out an athlete (after making him feel bad about it of course).
  • Take a sip every time volleyball players slap each other on the ass.
  • Shotgun a beer when you wonder how gymnasts never get camel toe (if anyone knows, tell me).
  • Take a shot every time you loudly tell people that you used to do gymnastics.
  • And drink every time you wish the sport you’re watching was gymnastics.
  • Drink double when it actually *is* gymnastics.
  • Cheers every time people shout USA.
  • Touching commercial? Take a sip.
  • Cry at the emotional commercial? Finish your drink. Bitch.
  • Take a shot when you get emotional seeing family members.
  • Make it a double if it’s a mom.
  • A triple if she’s sobbing while also looking proud.
  • Take a shot when you ask when figure skating is on.
  • And maybe finish that drink when you realize that’s only in the winter games.
  • Drink every time you wish the USA got rose gold.
  • And then every time they *actually* get gold.
  • Take a sip when you ask how much longer you have to sit there and watch.
  • And take a shot when you realize you didn’t even know the sport you’re watching existed in this world.
  • Finish your drink every time you’re thankful that you’re not where Zika is.
  • And grab another drink when you’re also thankful that you’re not pregnant.
  • Take a sip when you’re (almost) inspired to go workout after seeing all these fit people.
  • And drink your own tears when you realize just how out of shape you are.


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Rachel Varina

(yeahokaywhat) Aspiring to be the next Tina Fey, Rachel spends her free time doing nothing to reach that goal. While judging people based on how they use "they're" vs. "there" on social media, she likes eating buffalo chicken dip, watching other people's Netflix, and wearing sweatpants way more than is socially acceptable.

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