Halloween came and went and you confidently wore a costume that showed off the sluttiest version of yourself. Then came Thanksgiving, the holiday whose only purpose is to fatten you up so you can’t fit into said costume for the rest of the year. You cry but then learn to accept it and start to get excited for Christmas, because, you know more food.
But not before Victoria’s Secret pops up like a horny ex with the most highly anticipated fashion show of the year. We literally wait 365+ days sit on our couch and drown what little self-esteem we had in high-calorie snacks and 90 proof vodka. That being said, grab your drink because it is about to be rough ride. Here is your guide to drinking away your sorrows during the 2015 Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show.
Take a sip when:
– A model blows a kiss.
– A model winks.
– You have no idea what the model just said due to their hot accent.
– The camera shows one of their *almost as flawless as they are* husbands.
– You can actually count each rib on the model.
– A model waves or claps… for themselves. That bitch.
– You miss an angel alum. RIP Tyra, Doutzen, and Miranda.
– There is more glitter on a pair of underwear than you have in your crafting inventory.
– You contemplate making your New Year’s resolution to getting in shape.
– You reach for another slice of pizza, nacho, chip, whatever, it doesn’t even matter, just put it in your face.
Take two sips when:
– The concept of an outfit doesn’t make any sense.
– A bra is worth more than your dues.
– A set of wings are taller than you (sorry, short girls).
– You wish Rihanna didn’t bail and Ellie wasn’t performing instead.
– You stop yourself (or a friend) from drunk crying.
– You think about how your bra and underwear don’t match.
– You remind yourself you were your favorite fraternity’s #WCW at some point this semester.
– You finish your snack and have to get up to get more. Cardio though, am I right?
– Adam Levine watching Behati makes you reevaluate your relationship goals.
– You realize Kendall just added about $2 million to the Kardashian-Jenner net worth.
– You wish you were a part of Taylor Swift’s crew.
– Lily walks down the runway in the Fantasy Bra. Literally chug the entire time she’s walking.
Finish your drink when:
– You’re positive Justin Bieber is regretting his Bora Bora trip with that thot.
Cheers to being blacked out by the finale and reminding yourself that no matter how into shape you get, you’ll never suddenly become Brazilian. .