As a woman in the Greek community, you are given certain rights and privileges. We inherit these not because we want them, but because we flat out need them. The best, and most rightfully deserved, is the ability to get away with being a total bitch. Now, in some social circles, being a bitch might be construed as a negative, but the reason Greek women have become one of the most influential parts of college campuses throughout the nation is that they understand that being an absolute, unapologetic bitch gets you far in life. This power grows exponentially when it comes from the powerful top-tier house. Not that you were born with a silver spoon in your mouth, but if you were, it would be Tiffany.
If you’re like me, you know that not everyone is as accepting of this lifestyle choice. Greek women are a tough breed to grasp and our ways are very complex (and simultaneously color-coordinated). Men have studied our species for decades to only have more questions than answers, and somehow still don’t understand what “fine” actually means. So, here are some of the perks that are associated with your judging, eye-rolling, and hair flipping way of life.
Recognition comes with the Greek territory. For decades, people have loved to hate Greeks, but that doesn’t mean that they weren’t always recognized. Cady Heron said it best: “Because being with the plastics was like being famous. People looked at you all the time and everybody just knew stuff about you.” And while Cady may have been a home-schooled jungle freak, she was part of an elite group that made people want to know anything, and everything, about her.
The same goes for a top-tier house. When you’re a part of a top house, girls in the Greek circle will know much more about you than you will ever know. From what your rush theme is to what fraternity men were invited to your mixer, they will have an enormous amount of facts about you and try their best to replicate it. But when you’re a bitch in a top-tier house, you better believe that people know WAY more about you. You’re the Kate Middleton of PHC and everyone will always know who you are, what you’re doing, and (most likely) who you’re doing. You run the streets of Greek Row and you’re not afraid to flaunt it.
Not to say that bitches are lazy, but it takes a lot of energy out of your day to continuously judge those around you. When you spend the majority of your day striking fear into the new pledge class and convincing your professors that you have more power than they ever will, you’re bound to become exhausted. One perk of being a top-tier bitch is that eventually you won’t even have to lift a finger. Need a ride to Starbucks? Call up a fraternity friend and request a pledge to take you. Wish that you had a box of wine to hide in your room? There’s a Spring 201-whatever to do that for you. Short a couple library hours this semester? Good thing you took a few pictures of the academics chair doing a keg stand in a sundress, because now your hours are completed. It’s not just that you make people do things for you, it’s that they want to things for you. Who wouldn’t want to be seen doing a favor for not only the top house, but also the Queen B. It’s major street cred.
Coming from a top house, you’re no stranger to gawkers. People are both impressed and intimidated by your friends, looks, and house, and they wish they could be a part of it all. You’ll start to notice that as your bitchiness and influence grows, so does the crowd around you. The saying is quite true: keep your friends close and your enemies closer. People can’t look away from the people and qualities that they wish they had, so they begin to hold them as close to themselves as possible.
But I must advise, beware of the leeches. When those around you begin to see the power you and your house begin to obtain, they will ultimately want to join in on the action and see how much they can skim off from the top. The best way to deal with an unruly crowd is to put them in their place. Nothing reminds a lower-tier house gal that she’s not up to your caliber like a strategically placed insult. Some of my favorites include being late to meet with someone (if you even show up at all), using the wrong name, or even an impeccably timed “sweetie.” Nothing too big to burn a bridge, but nothing so small that it won’t go unnoticed. When you’re the best of the best, you need give those watching something to ogle over, so put on your biggest bow, grab a box of Franzia and your favorite sisters, and give onlookers something to envy.
While the word “intimidation” sounds a bit self-absorbed, it’s a reality that must be accepted while being in a top-tier house. The greatest trait of a Greek woman is her ability to work hard, play hard. The ability to be a well-educated, sophisticated woman during the day, but still go manicured toe-to-manicured toe with your sisters at night. Being able to hold your own with a bottle of Maker’s or dominate a box of wine is quite the sight for people who only know you during the day. It truly is intimidating to those lower-classed folks. People will treat you like a goddamn unicorn when they realize you have it all. What with your academics, beauty, and philanthropic contributions to your community…oh, and your ability to rage your face off at the end of the day makes you look like the Kelly Ripa of the college community.
Your level of intimidation ultimately is ranked by your house, so the better your house, the more intimidating you appear to be. And when all of your friends are dimes, how couldn’t you act as though you are the Beyonce of Destiny’s Child? The best way to do this is by instilling a slight fear in all of those around you. Pledges, sisters, and even advisers — they should all know that despite your perfectly pressed Lilly sundress and monogrammed derby hat, you are more influential than they ever will be. You are a big haired, big voiced, tiny waisted sorority girl that no one should mess with.