I have, honestly, the worst luck in the world when it comes to relationships. I have dated liars, cheaters, and even guys who got violent. I have dated guys who ended up being gay, guys who were just so stupid that they couldn’t even hold a decent conversation, and guys who just wanted to have sex. And I’ll admit, part of that is my fault: after all, I chose them. But I never gave up. With each failure, I kept going back and trying again. I’m the master of the relapse. I’m that stupid, naïve girl who goes around believing that bad guys change. And yeah, they do. Sometimes. But more often than not, they don’t.
I’ve dated more than my fair share of assholes. I dated a guy who decided he was in love with our mutual best friend’s girlfriend…the day after he asked me out. I dated a guy who told me he cheated on me with the same girl twice because the first time he felt too guilty to actually enjoy the sex. I dated a guy who cried more often than I did, and yelled at me for not waking up at 7 a.m. while I was on vacation to talk to him before he went to work. Trust me, I’ve run the gauntlet. And then I’ve run the gauntlet again with some of them. And with some of them, I ran it a third time, just for good measure.
But, despite the assholes that I’ve been with, I’ve relapsed in my relationships more than anyone I’ve ever met. I’ve never been above turning to an ex when things didn’t work out with a new guy. While other girls may try things with the same guy twice, realize that it’s not working out, and quit, I’ve been known to date a guy six, seven, or, on a couple of occasions, 12 times. And even though we both promised to work on things, it still never worked out. But it always seemed like a good idea at the time; we had all of these great memories, they already knew my likes and dislikes, and they’re comfortable to be around. Why wouldn’t I want to date a guy who already knows me that well?
Do you remember in “Greek” how Casey was constantly debating between Evan and Cappie and it drove everyone crazy there for a while? Even Ashleigh told her to go off and find a fun new guy. And yeah, in the end Casey and Cappie drove off into the sunset together, and that was awesome for them. But that’s television. In the real world, Cappie probably would have never grown up, and Casey would have gone on to marry some middle class safe guy who she met in D.C. Because in real life, it’s extremely rare for an asshole to change his ways, and in real life, you have to either move on or risk getting hurt again.
There are a thousand ways relationships fall apart. Maybe you guys fought too much, maybe his family drove you crazy. Maybe you just had too many differences. Maybe he was just a jerk. It happens. For whatever reason, your relationship doesn’t feel right anymore. So what do you do? How do you forget all the nights that he held you? How do you forget the way your heart beat the first time he brushed your hand? How do you forget your first kiss, the way he smiled when he said your name? How do you forget your prom, or your first formal? How do you just let go of the sweet messages, or of the way he showed up to your house at 4 a.m. to tell you that he didn’t want to break up? How do you forget that you once talked about having a family with him, about getting married and settling down and chasing your dreams together? How do you forget all of those memories? How do you bring all of that to an end, for good?
There’s no easy way. The truth is, you don’t forget any of that. You’ll carry those memories with you, and they’ll be the little voice in the back of your mind that tells you to stay. They’ll be there when you say goodbye, and they’ll be there when you run into him later on. They’ll be there when he calls, when he texts, when he snapchats. They’ll be there. And they’ll be the thing that tells you that you should reply. But you can’t fall into that trap again. Think of your past relationships as a hole and refuse to fall into that hole again. Do yourself a favor: delete him from Snapchat, block his number, block him on Facebook, Twitter–whatever. Clear him out of your life and let it actually be over. Move on, because you’re better than him and you deserve to. Move on, because you’re beautiful and strong and you should be happy. Move on, because he’ll be back to mess with your head, and you’ll have to be confident enough to tell him that you won’t let him screw with you again.
In the immortal words of Kanye, “Let’s have a toast for the douchebags, let’s have a toast for the assholes. Let’s have a toast for the scumbags, every one of them that I know. Let’s have a toast for the jerk-offs that’ll never take work off. Baby, I got a plan, run away as fast as you can.” Relapsing is the worst thing that you can do to yourself, because as great as it may seem in the beginning to be with someone who already knows you and who you’re already comfortable with, the problems that you had before are still there. And you’re still going to have to face them eventually. So raise your shot glasses high, ladies, and toast to the fact that you’re smart enough to quit while you’re ahead..