The “Roses Are Red” Rewrite To Sum Up Your Valentine’s Day

14 "Roses Are Red" Poems To Sum Up Your Valentine's Day

Roses are red,
Happy Valentine’s Day
How do I celebrate?
Netflix. All day.

Roses are red,
Grass is green
My date come Saturday
Is a pint of ice cream.

Roses are red,
Violets are blue
Screw you and your boyfriend,

Roses are red,
I’ve got no one to schmooze
But I’ve got my health!
And a bottle of booze!

Roses are red,
But can also be pink,
Fuck everyone,
I’m calling my shrink

Roses are red,
And my jealousy’s green,
But look on the bright side,
No babies for me!

Violets are violet,
And roses are red
A second bright side?
I don’t have to give head.

Roses are red,
My heart is black,
I hope that chocolate
Makes you fat.

Roses are red,
Fuck Valentine’s Day,
Who needs a real man,
When I’ve got Christian Grey?

Roses are red,
Sugar is sweet,
I swear to God,
If I see one more #ALONEEEE tweet…

Roses are red,
My love life’s in the shitter
Will you guys judge me
If I end up on Tinder?

Roses are red,
You might think I’m bitch
But hate to break it to you babe,

Roses are red,
I’ve got no one to bone,
But at least I’m drinking
Albeit alone…

Roses are red,
Violets are blue
Hey St. Valentine:

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Drunk but not in love

(@DrunkNOTinLove) is a die-hard Splenda addict who requires a constant supply of caffeine and male attention to make it through the day. After graduating with her degree in Economics, she now focuses her energy on adding a "Home" to her degree title by perfecting the "intelligent drunk," and conning a banker into marrying her one day. Originally from New England, she is a hardcore Boston sports fan, but only when boys are around. Almost all of her calories consumed Thursday - Saturday (and the occasional Tuesday) are from $7 bottles of Yellowtail Moscato, and in no way, shape, or form is she fazed by this. All forms of hate mail and date party inquiries can be sent to

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