Spoilers: If you’re a dumbass who hasn’t watched yet.
Last night the season five finale of Game of Thrones broke all of the hearts. Though we didn’t actually see the deaths of a ton of beloved characters, literally, everyone might be dead. Stannis might be dead. Arya might be dead. Sansa might be dead. Daenerys might be dead. And Jon Snow, is most definitely dead. A lot of fans are trying to rationalize ways he might be revived, but that’s like when I pretend my relationship isn’t over once I call a guy 36 times in a row. He gone.
Of course, this is upsetting, because he was the hero, and he was honorable, and blah, blah, blah, but let’s get down to something more important. He was beautiful. If godlike perfection manifested itself into one human male, it was Kit Harington, AKA Jon Snow. He invented muff diving for fuck’s sake — literally invented it. I just felt like kissing you there. That’s a man you want to keep around. And now who are we left with to ogle? Tyrion? Ramsay? Reek? Bran will probably be like twenty-five next season, because they totally forgot that puberty happens to actors even if we need the characters to stay the same age, but even still — he’s not Jon Snow.
There is no one left. Let us mourn the loss of the most beautiful man on television. We’ll miss you, Jon Snow. If you know nothing, I know nothing.