The Super Bowl, As Defined By A Sorority Girl

The Super Bowl, As Defined By A Sorority Girl

Ball Carrier
Actual Definition: Player with possession of the ball.
Girl Definition: Having to take possession of his balls.

Blind Side
Actual Definition: The opposite direction that a player is facing.
Girl Definition: When a guy sneaks up behind you at the bar and starts to grind with you without your permission.

Actual Definition: Additional players rush the quarterback to try and tackle him.
Girl Definition: Rushing past someone walking into Starbucks to get in front of them in line. Occasionally, pushing and shoving may be used.

Actual Definition: Denver, Colorado’s football team.
Girl Definition: Multiple Sarah Jessica Parkers.

Bump and Run
Actual Definition: A technique the defense uses to slow down the offensive by bumping into the players to keep them from moving.
Girl Definition: Sneaking out of a guy’s bedroom during the middle of the night.

Coin Toss
Actual Definition: Coin flipped at the beginning of the game to determine who kicks off.
Girl Definition: Flipping a coin to see who takes care of your vomming friend.

Controlling the Clock
Actual Definition: Having control of the football for an extended period of time.
Girl Definition: Trying to control how many drinks you have in an hour to maintain a steady buzz the whole night, usually resulting in getting bombed within the first hour of the night.

Delay of Game
Actual Definition: A penalty against the team with the ball for taking too long to snap the ball.
Girl Definition: Taking a few minutes before a hookup to freshen up, usually to put on much sexier underwear.

End Zone
Actual Definition: 10-yard section at the end of the field.
Girl Definition: Butt stuff, always avoid.

Extra Point
Actual Definition: Kicking the ball through the goalposts after a touchdown.
Girl Definition: Taking home a shacker shirt.

Face Mask
Actual Definition: The bars attached to the front of a player’s helmet to protect his face.
Girl Definition: Throwing a drink in a sleazy guy’s face.

Free Agent
Actual Definition: A player who is not under a contract with a team.
Girl Definition: A newly single guy.

Actual Definition: When the offense player loses control of the football before the end of the play.
Girl Definition: Getting too drunk on a date and having to go home early.

Actual Definition: When players discuss the next play on the field.
Girl Definition: Dancing in a circle so no guys can get inside to ruin girls’ night.

Illegal Formation
Actual Definition: Not having enough players on the line of scrimmage.
Girl Definition: A guy coming into a circled-up group of girls dancing. Must be removed immediately.

Offensive Holding
Actual Definition: When on offensive player keeps a defensive player from moving by grabbing him with his hands or arms.
Girl Definition: When a friend of yours is being a Mother Hen, and won’t let anyone make out with some rando at the bar.

Actual Definition: No idea.
Girl Definition: No idea.

Actual Definition: When the defense pushes the offense all the way back to the opposite end zone, awarding them two points.
Girl Definition: Wearing granny panties to guarantee you won’t hook up with anyone when you go out.

Actual Definition: Seattle Washington’s football team.
Girl Definition: A slang term used to describe a nosey girl.

Two-Minute Warning
Actual Definition: Referee’s timeout at the end of each half to indicate two minutes remaining in the half.
Girl Definition: Everyone is leaving to go to a new party or the bars. Chug your drink!

Email this to a friend

Babe Lincoln

Babe Lincoln (@Babe__Lincoln) is a contributing writer for Total Sorority Move and spends the majority of her time knocking back Franzia and introducing herself as "the female Johnny Manziel."

For More Photos and Videos

Latest podcasts

New Stories

Load More