Maybe you were up all night feverishly studying for an exam. Maybe you went to the bar, had one too many Jägerbombs, and ended up staying out five hours a bit too late. Maybe you tucked yourself into bed at your usual time. Maybe you even went to bed early in hopes that you would wake up with enough time to actually have breakfast before class. Whatever the case, it’s a pretty safe bet that you didn’t wake up on time. Even if, by some miracle, you manage to get up after your first alarm, it’s guaranteed you still won’t be ready on time. I’ll let you in on a little secret: even morning people really aren’t morning people. I don’t know one person on Earth who jumps out of bed in the morning ready to take on the day. It’s just not in our nature. Unless you just suddenly wake up from a nightmare ready to attack blood-thirsty zombies, nothing in the morning happens in a timely manner. It goes a little more something like this.
6:00 a.m.
Your first alarm goes off with the cheerful default ringtone: “da-duh-duh-da-duh-duh-da-DUH-duh!” At this point, you’re not even ready to look at your phone. You start vigorously tapping the middle of the screen in hopes that you hit snooze and don’t swipe right.
6:09 a.m.
The second alarm goes off. You decide to just skip breakfast, hit snooze again, and cuddle a little closer to your pillow pet.
6:18 a.m.
The third alarm sounds. I mean, you know you set this alarm way too early anyway. *Snooze*
6:27 a.m.
The fourth alarm goes off, but your bed just feels so soft, and your comforter is so fluffy and warm. After deciding you need just three more minutes, you do the unthinkable and swipe right.
7:30 a.m.
Your backup alarm labeled “GET THE FUCK UP! IT’S LATEEEE!!!” starts chirping. You have to pee SO badly, but the bathroom is just so far away. Your puffy little eyes start to notice all the overnight social media updates that have popped up on your phone overnight. “Yay! My drunk tweet got two favorites!” “Ew, I can’t believe she’s pregnant again.”
7:39 a.m.
Another alarm sounds. Okay, if you don’t pee within the next five seconds, you’re going to have a mess on your hands–and in your jammies. You desperately climb down from the top bunk while clenching your loins and trying not to fall down what seems like two stories.
7:47 a.m.
After running to the bathroom and finally relieving yourself, you spend approximately six more minutes drowsily sitting there and scrolling through crafting ideas on Pinterest.
7:55 a.m.
It’s time to warm up the shower, which basically takes forever. Luckily, this gives you just enough time to set up your makeshift Taylor Swift concert (iPhone in a cup) whilst standing naked, frigid, and barefoot on the cold, tile floor. But, hey, it’s better than standing on the mat that’s still soaked from your roommate who doesn’t know how to not flood the entire bathroom when she showers.
8:00 a.m.
Ahhh, the water is finally ready. You slowly enter into the rushing, stinging spray of steamy heaven. It slightly burns your skin, but it still feels so good. You could just stand there forever…
8:10 a.m.
Now that you’ve given yourself a 10 minute shower massage, it’s time to start actual shower activities. This, of course, means getting soap in your eyes, dropping absolutely everything you touch, and taking an extra five minutes deciding if you should shave. Obviously, you opt out of that one–you don’t have time to waste.
8:40 a.m.
After reluctantly turning off the hot water, you reach an apprehensive hand out into the cold air for your ultra chic, monogrammed towel.
8:45 a.m.
Now that you’re dry, everything is suddenly super hot. It was literally just freezing. How does that happen? In attempts to let your roommate continue sleeping–fuck her for having her first class of the day canceled–you attempt to put together an outfit mixed with dirty and clean clothes. Add a cute scarf and some arm candy, and voilà! You’re dressed and ready to go.
8:55 a.m.
However, it’s too late to do anything with your hair and it’s too hot to blow dry it, so you just throw it up in a bun. Anything is better than walking to class with wet, dripping hair. Since you know you don’t look your best, you do a quick double check to make sure you’re not wearing letters.
9:00 a.m.
You suddenly remember to check the time. A subtle, “OMG CLASS IS IN 15 MINUTES!” runs through your head. Now you only have time for the essentials: deodorant, brushing your teeth, and concealer. Oh, what the hell. You put on foundation, bronzer, mascara, eyeliner, lip gloss, and you fix that chipped nail polish, too.
9:13 a.m.
As you run around your room, now disregarding your roommate’s unwarranted snoozing, you scramble to get all your books, notebooks, colored pens, pencils, highlighters, and phone and cram them into your designer bag.
9:14 a.m.
Now, you do a quick visual sweep of the room to make sure you have everything you need. You grab a granola bar and run down the stairs. You can’t run to class, though, because you don’t want to come off like you’re trying too hard.
9:24 a.m.
After the lecture topic has already been introduced, you roll into class late. You passive-aggressively smile at the professor’s condescending stab at your lack of ability to be on time for anything and get out your pink notebook so you can pretend to take notes for the next hour. Aren’t mornings just the greatest?
Nice Move332
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