You crossed that stage,
You monogrammed that cap,
You drank enough mimosas to get through all that.
You said your goodbyes,
You had your MOs,
Now, if you could only figure out where to go.
You drunk cried, drunk ate, and learned to internet creep,
College taught you a lot, and it definitely wasn’t cheap.
You’re not sure you’re ready to go, but they’re making you leave,
And you have no intention of being the oldest living woman on campus, at 23.
There are still rocks left unturned, things you didn’t do!
No ring by spring, no candle passing ceremony to yell “Woo!”
No Old South gown came your way,
No MRS degree — that will have to wait for another day.
Despite missing out on the Pinterest wedding of your dreams,
You got your degree, by any means!
Now you have one hundred more sisters, and many monogrammed things,
Endless pictures from formals, and mixers, and drunken spring flings!
You have girls to be in your wedding, girls to call when you cry,
Girls for every occasion — they’ll be there when you die!
Graduating always makes the tears roll,
Luckily, you can always self-medicate with a bowl.
Before you get too choked up, remember that this is not the end.
Sure, you might face unemployment, or moving away from friends —
But think of all the things you’ll be happy to leave,
No more not-boyfriends, and no more candle passing ceremonies to grieve!
As you walk across that stage, and try not to trip in heels,
Attempt to tolerate your family’s squeals.
Remember, the past four years have been plenty —
After all, no one wants to be in college forever,
And you can always become a stripper,
Or pursue other endeavors.
Take one last lineage picture, one last stack and skinny arm,
A final drunk cry, and you’ll be done.
You may feel sad, but not for long,
After all, soon enough, Homecoming will come,
And before you know it, you’ll be drunkenly screaming your favorite song.
Your new life will have happy hours and grown-up men,
Unfortunately, you will encounter d-bags again.
But all in all, adulthood is great,
Someone might even take you on a real date!