When it comes to boys, I’ve dealt with a lot of “characters.” I’ve put up with clingy exes, guys who get insecure when they drink, and guys who say stuff like, “I don’t know why she’s texting me at 2 a.m.” when they know exactly what the girl wants. I always had an excuse ready for when I was defending these assholes to my friends: the ex is insane, tequila makes me cry, too, maybe she had the wrong number. Funny, it never really occurred to me that, while this guy might be super hot, super nice, and an all around decent human, he could be carrying some baggage that is a little too heavy for me to handle. I’m not saying you need to be with the perfect man, but, well, you need to be with the perfect man. It isn’t unreasonable. We’re flawless and deserve the absolute best. JK, but not really. While we can handle some of the weight they put on us, here are a few times when the baggage is not only too heavy, but beyond unnecessary. You yell at us for not packing light, boys–now it’s time for you to practice what you preach.
The Ex
Few things put a damper on a relationship quite like the sour taste of an ex hanging around. It’s bad enough that she exists, but being reminded of her existence on a frequent basis due to her physical form is the actual worst. I don’t care if the guy you’re seeing has a “Game of Thrones”-type situation and they’re basically brother and sister–as soon as their Facebooks go from “In a Relationship” to “Single,” they should sever ties from each other. Sometimes it’s hard because they were friends. Or she has a T-shirt of his. Or any other lame excuse to keep her around in case (or hoping) you two don’t work out. I not only call bullshit, but I’d call it quits. You don’t need to be with someone who doesn’t take the trash out.
The Text
We have such a love-hate relationship with technology, don’t we? We love it because we can stalk our exes, flirt with guys when we’re feeling down, or rake in the likes on our scantily-clad photos. The only problem is, our boyfriend can do the same thing. The fact that he can talk to girls in a SECRET message on Facebook is enough to give anyone an ulcer, not to mention if he uses Snapchat or Tinder. (We know, we know, you just wanted to see what it was. Liar.) Personally, I have long since given up the habit of chatting to randoms when I felt neglected, and I stopped snooping in old boyfriends’ inboxes (#NotSoModestBrag). Therefore, I expect the same from my significant other, as you should, too. Sadly, no one will listen to a hypocrite, so you have to truly be, like, a good person. If you practice what you preach, you don’t deserve a flirty liar in your life.
The Drunk
Alcohol is fun. Alcohol is really fun. Alcohol isn’t fun when boys make it not fun. When a man we love becomes a child we hate when he drinks, that’s some baggage that we don’t need to deal with. If there is EVER a case of a guy physically or emotionally abusing you (yes, him yelling at you when he is drunk counts, my friend) then you chuck him overboard and get the hell out. Not only is he not worth the pain, but he’s not worth the time. It doesn’t even have to be that extreme. If he’s a sloppy drunk or you can’t trust him when he has “one too many,” then he’s a baby who should not have a bottle, not a babe like you, because you know alcohol is never an excuse to do bad things (except when it comes to 2 a.m. Taco Bell). Go out with a MAN who can hold his liquor, a man who makes drinking exactly what it is: fun.
The Reassurance
Few things are more off-putting than an insecure man. Sure, it’s not fair because women are famous for needing nonstop, positive reinforcement. It’s not that we aren’t confident, it’s just that, like, we want you to tell us we’re pretty. (Because we are. Right? RIGHT?) The problem is, we want a man who takes what he wants. We want a man who knows who he is and is cool with it. Every guy can’t be a #fratstar. Some guys need to be skinny. And smart. And nerdy. And that’s totally cool, too. We like those boys because someday when we’re sick of being treated like shit, we end up marrying them. The problem is, when boys can’t admit their shortcomings (or worse, their need constant reinforcement that they’re the best, the biggest, and the hottest) it gets overwhelming. Like, we’re dating a guy for a reason. And no, not just for free drinks and meals, despite what we make them believe.
Now, I can’t say that we want perfect men or that we’re perfect women, but maybe if we dumped some of our baggage to make room for new (and better) things, we’d all be a lot happier.
Nice Move383
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Rachel Varina
(yeahokaywhat) Aspiring to be the next Tina Fey, Rachel spends her free time doing nothing to reach that goal. While judging people based on how they use "they're" vs. "there" on social media, she likes eating buffalo chicken dip, watching other people's Netflix, and wearing sweatpants way more than is socially acceptable.
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