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The Very Real Struggles Of Being A Redhead

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When it comes to hair color, redheads attract a very specific type of attention. If you have red hair, it’s something you’ve dealt with your entire life. At this point, you’ve developed a tolerance for having your hair color be the focal point in conversations. People are not afraid to vocalize every thought and question they have on your red hair, simply because you’re probably the only non-brunette or non-blonde in the general vicinity.

There may have been a point in your younger years when you resented your red hair. But, through all the relentless teasing of you being a “ginger” and “not having a soul,” you held your head high and learned to own the fact that you pretty much won the genetic lottery. Statistically, redheads make up less than 2 percent of the population; so basically, you’re a majestic unicorn to be loved and revered. Still, there are times when being a ginger is hard or just plain annoying. You have undoubtedly experienced some–or all–of the following.

  1. Unsurprisingly, your hair is your defining feature and consumes 90 percent of your identity. You are known as, “That redhead who ______.”
  2. People ask you daily, “Is that your natural hair color?” Would you ask that to a blonde? No, you wouldn’t, because it’s rude.
  3. You didn’t get to pick the Disney princess who you thought you resonated with the most. You are Ariel, end of story.
  4. People automatically assume you have a fiery temper. Which, ironically, really fucking pisses you off.
  5. You get personally offended when you see a girl who attempted a bad dye job and ended up sporting a weird magenta color. What a try-hard.
  6. Guys are not afraid to tell you if they have a weird fetish for redheads. You’re just like, “Oh.”
  7. People ask you at least five times a week, “Has anyone ever told you that you look like [insert any famous redhead here]?”
  8. Makeup doesn’t always understand you. You have to tread carefully, because too many bright shades makes you look like a drag queen or an 18th century prostitute.
  9. You’re already unique, so when you go out on a limb and do something slightly crazy like get a nose piercing, you look mega-hipster.
  10. Everyone touches your hair. Everyone. Do they expect it to be a different temperature or something?
  11. People are shocked to learn you have non-redhead family members. If you are the only ginger in your family, everyone thinks you were adopted.
  12. Furthermore, your parents might have been shocked when you emerged as a ginger. Apparently my mother freaked out and asked the nurse if my hair was going to “stay that way.”
  13. You get looked at. Like, a lot. #redhairdontstare
  14. People automatically assume you sunburn really easily, and you probably do. But it’s okay, because aloe vera is your pal.
  15. Jessica Rabbit is your role model. Julianne Moore is the queen.
  16. You have an unusually low pain tolerance. People probably think you’re a wimp, but it’s actually because you have less melanin in your body. It’s science, people.
  17. Someone NEEDS to tell Ed Sheeran that you two would have beautiful children.
  18. You have a love-hate relationship with meeting new people, because 95 percent of the time they open with, “OMG, I love your hair!” This is really nice, but you just dropped $60 on a new top and no one even notices it.
  19. Color schemes are especially hard to deal with. You think that green dress is cute? Too bad. You look like too much of a Christmas enthusiast in it.
  20. You have a weird magnetic pull toward the other ginger at the party, and you will for sure talk to her by the end of the night. She understands you.
  21. You wish Miranda from “Sex and the City” was cooler, because she’s the only ginger on the show.
  22. National “Kick a Ginger Day” was your worst nightmare. National “Hug a Ginger Day” hardly made up for it.
  23. Everyone wants to see you date–or at least hook up with–a ginger boy. You’ve probably tried it a few times.
  24. You most likely bruise like a damn peach. Oh, you bumped into a couch? You’re going to look like a mugging victim tomorrow.
  25. You never get lost in a crowd. Your friends can always find you pretty easily because, well, there’s a bright red beacon on your head.
  26. People are shocked that you’re actually good looking. It’s as if an attractive ginger is the eighth wonder of the world.
  27. Your friends get to experiment with ombre, highlights, and dye jobs. You just sit there like, “No one would recognize me if I dye my hair, and my mother would literally kill me.”
  28. There’s always that one creepy, drunk guy who says, “I’ve never slept with a redhead before.” Sorry, dude. You should really try it sometime.
  29. “South Park” ruined your life.
  30. Even though the hype that comes with it can be irritating, your red hair is a part of who you are, and you would never consider changing anything about it.

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Lucky Jo

Lucky Jo is a former and current TSM writer who likes her men how she likes her coffee: way too hot and unforgivably bitter. She graduated from the University of Missouri in 2016, proving that C's do in fact get degrees. She now spends her days working for a social media marketing agency, hiking with her dachshund, and trying to bring back the scrunchie. Hate mail and goat memes can be sent to lucyjmulvihill@gmail.com.

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