I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. What Would Ryan Lochte Do is the perfect show to watch on mute with a bottle of wine and a fresh set of batteries. I do realize, however, that not all of us can watch him swim through life in the confines of our living room, since most of us live with about 80 other girls. Don’t fret. I’ve developed a drinking game to play with your sisters and gay besties as you watch the boy who’s so stupid it hurts. All you need is a few bottles of wine and a few handles of vodka. I would also advise a bottle of Everclear. Tres simple.
Chug Your Wine When Ryan Lochte…
– Uses the phrase “jeah.”
– Uses the phrase “turned up.”
– Fails to form a complete sentence.
– Does the trademark “Lochte wink.”
– Tries to haze his brother with some poorly planned attempt at a “prank.”
– Looks at the camera when he’s not doing an interview.
– Asks for the definition of a word.
– Is seen with a drink in his hand.
– Approaches a new girl
Take A Shot When…
– His fat sister disapproves of something.
– His brother tries to get camera time.
– His mother tries to become the star of the show (give it up bitch, you’ll never be Debbie Phelps).
– He bitches about wanting to find a soulmate.
– He’s wearing a Speedo.
– He’s not wearing a shirt or he’s in a towel.
Take A Shot Followed By A Wine Chug When Ryan Lochte…
– Uses the phrase “Lochte Nation.”
– Uses his last name to make up a new word.
– Is actually in the water.
– Talks about his “fashion line.”
– Takes a girl out for sushi
– Mentions Michael Phelps.
– Breaks into tears.
Take Two Shots Of Everclear If…
– He uses a word with more than four syllables correctly in a sentence.
– He says something profound about his swimming career.
– Programming is interrupted by a national broadcast about a country-wide shortage of AAA batteries.
By the time you’ve finished playing, you’ll probably have reached the intellectual capacity of Lochte at his brightest.
- Image via Associated Press