I sincerely remember the first time I saw the (for lack of a better term) word. I was sifting my way through a Facebook group, as I do whenever I’m bored or feeling particularly bad about myself, and I came across a post from a girl who was describing her boy troubles. Since I was currently in a very happy relationship, I hesitated to read it because nothing makes you feel better about your boyfriend than reading about a shitty guy. For the life of me, I have no idea what the exact post was, but I’m sure it went something like this:
Hey guys, I need some advice.
So this guy, (insert totally basic guy name here), and I have been talking on and off the past few days. He’s super cute and I really like him. The only problem is that I was really drunk the first time I met him at a bar (#tequilashots you know?!!?!?!) and I went home with him!!! I NO I NO! I like NEVER do that. But he was soooooo nice and sweet I just decided to. The next morning was literally perfect. I mean like, laying in bed, watching Netflix, cuddling until he told me he had to go to class 🙁 So at 11 a.m. he drove me home and said he’d text me. 2 days went by and NOTHING! So I texted him saying I had fun and he was like “me too” and that was it! I keep trying to start a convo but it’s just one-word answers if anything at all.
FINALLY! I text him saying I didn’t want any games and if he liked me he should just say it because I am NOT going to waste my time on him. He was all like “I’m sorry, I’m just not looking for anything serious right now I thought I made that clear I hope we can be friends and hang out.”
LIKE WTF!? He’s such a fuckboy right?! Idk what to do. I think I love him.
Pretty standard, right? We’ve had this conversation with our friends, our sisters, and inside our own heads. How could he do this? I thought it meant something else. I didn’t want to play games. Why doesn’t he like me? It’s not me, it’s him.
It’s easier that way, right? He’s the problem. Sure, I lowered my expectations, and yes I kept sleeping with him even though I knew he didn’t want anything serious. I threw myself at him and I compromised my morals. But at the end of it all, it’s his fault. He’s the bad guy. He’s the shithead. He’s the fuckboy. But after seeing that word, fuckboy, take over the internet the past few months, it’s time I speak up.
“Fuckboy” is dead. And the sooner you realize it, the happier you’ll be.
Just imagine, if you will, this scenario:
You hang out with a guy. He’s fun, he’s cute, and you enjoy his company. You two hook up, and you’re having a great time with no strings attached. He brought up dating, but you told him that you weren’t looking for anything serious. He said he understood and kept hanging out with you. As time goes on he gets upset about the fact that you don’t want more.
Imagine if he called you a bitch because of that. Hell, I’m sure you don’t have to imagine it. I’m sure it’s happened. And you know what? You were probably really fucking pissed. What right did he have to call you a name? You would gather your friends, grab your pitchforks, and stab him in the balls (or tarnished his reputation) until he regretted what he did to you. You would make sure his life was a living fucking hell because NOBODY calls you a bitch.
But hey, if he does the same thing to you, whatever. He’s a fuckboy. And it’s fine to call him that. I mean, it’s popular, it’s cute, and it lets you play the victim. What’s not to love?
Maybe it’s because I’m hormonal. Maybe it’s because if I hear one more lame girl whine about some guy who doesn’t like her I’m going to personally give her a titty twister (not really, I actually hate confrontation. But I’ll for sure say mean things about her in my head). Whatever it is, I’m here to call bullshit. Calling him a “fuckboy” doesn’t make you look chill. It doesn’t make you seem “with it” or casual. It’s just a way to play the victim, whine about how he hurt you, and call him a name, even though you would literally die if he called you one in return. Making the term “fuckboy” popular doesn’t give us girl power. It makes us look pathetic. Do you want equality? Do you want respect? Do you want a fucking boyfriend?
Shoot the word “fuckboy” in the face, bury it in deep in the ocean, and grow the hell up.
I know it seems like I’m angry with you. I’m not. I’m just disappointed. Disappointed in how we’re starting to handle rejection. Instead of holding our heads up high, knowing our worth, and seeing reality instead of a clouded fantasy from some rom-com, we call him a (lazy, dumb-sounding) name. We run crying to our friends, our group texts, and our internet when he does something that doesn’t align with what we want. Complaining about how he hurt you when you knew exactly what he was like isn’t his fault. Calling him names won’t change what he did. And most of the time? He’s not a bad guy. He’s just not the guy you hoped he would be. Someone not liking you doesn’t make them a bad person. But calling them a “fuckboy” when they didn’t fall to their knees with a Tiffany’s box sure as hell makes you one.
The word is tired. The concept behind it is cringeworthy. And the only way to not end up with a “fuckboy” is to stop calling every guy who doesn’t kiss your asshole (literally or figuratively, whichever works for you) one. The next time a guy doesn’t text you back turn down your psycho, evaluate your mental state, and doesn’t think twice about it. The sooner you stop, the sooner you’ll realize that most of these guys aren’t “fuckboys.” They’re just college guys, who aren’t down to treat you like a wife before you even become FBO.
So stop. Please. I’m begging you. Not just because the word is slowly fizzling out like the dad bod, posting pictures of pineapples, or humoring the idea of buttstuff. But because you’re becoming the immature one in a situation where you should rise above.
Besides, doesn’t calling him a “pig” and passive-aggressively liking all of his Instagram pictures just have a better ring to it?.
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Rachel Varina
(yeahokaywhat) Aspiring to be the next Tina Fey, Rachel spends her free time doing nothing to reach that goal. While judging people based on how they use "they're" vs. "there" on social media, she likes eating buffalo chicken dip, watching other people's Netflix, and wearing sweatpants way more than is socially acceptable.
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