The World Needs To See This Pre-Golden Globes Spanx Dance

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Spanx are a nightmare. I don’t mean to say that they are a pain in the ass to put on, or that they can be uncomfortable at times. I mean to say that they are a literal nightmare. The only upside to wearing spanx is taking them off when you get home from whatever terrible event made you put them on in the first place, and relishing in the fact that you won’t have to see them until the next time you have to wear a tight dress, assuming you don’t immediately cancel every formal event in the foreseeable future.

Rachel Bloom, an actress who I hadn’t heard of until last night but am now girl crushing on hardcore, feels our struggle. The star took the time to explain how most women don’t just casually toss on a gown and look like Jessica Rabbit. Bloom told Elle, “Curvier ladies can’t just throw on the runway look. It isn’t made for boobies and butts and stuff like that.” Girlfriend didn’t just take to an interview to let everyone know that she was wearing a corset and two pairs of spanx, though. She also dropped a song via Instagram to mock herself for looking like kaki sausage roll. It’s a pretty sick tune.

It's the Sexy Golden Globey Song.

A video posted by Rachel Bloom (@racheldoesstuff) on

Preach. Our gal also clarified that she believes she looks like a “pirate wench,” and if we’re being totally honest, I don’t think I knew what love was until I discovered this majestic unicorn of an actress. I’d totally drop a bid on her double spanx-ed ass.

[via Instagram]

Image via YouTube

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Lucky Jo

Lucky Jo is a former and current TSM writer who likes her men how she likes her coffee: way too hot and unforgivably bitter. She graduated from the University of Missouri in 2016, proving that C's do in fact get degrees. She now spends her days working for a social media marketing agency, hiking with her dachshund, and trying to bring back the scrunchie. Hate mail and goat memes can be sent to

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