You know when you start the microwave and then you run around the house trying to clean up and get back to the microwave before the timer goes off? Yeah, that’s exactly how a single female is. For some reason, as girls, we feel as if there is a ticking time bomb inside of us that will go off if we’re single for too long. As a result, we search in all the wrong places for Mr. Right. We accept date invitations from guys we have absolutely no interest in. We drink excessively when we go out because we honestly think that will seal the deal. We try to convince everyone else that the single life is so much better than being in a relationship, and that we’re single because we’re independent. Then, we spend our evenings scouring the Internet for dating advice and crying into our bottle of wine. Let’s try to narrow down this search by identifying all the worst places to find a boyfriend.
Party In My Pants
If you’re going to a party or a bar in search of a soulmate, the only mate you’re going to find is the puzzle piece that fits inside of your vagina. Guys do not go to these drinking establishments to find a girl they can take home to Mom. They go to these places to find a girl they can take home to their beds. First, they slide drinks inside of you, hoping they’ll be able to slide something else inside you later. The liquid confidence mixed with the beer goggles might make you think you found the man of your dreams, but when you wake up the next morning, you’ll realize it was all just a horrible nightmare. You’ll wish this was a dream inside of a dream, but really it was just another drunken escapade into of your lonely life. Unfortunately, there is no sleepwalk of shame, so keep your head down and tread quickly.
Family Reunions
If I have to explain this, you have bigger issues than being single.
Tinder
Tinder is all the rage to meet single guys and girls in your area. Every girl creates an account thinking she’ll find a gorgeous, sensitive, loving man. Every guys creates an account thinking he’ll find a hot chick to bang. No healthy relationship begins with deciding whether or not you’re going to put your thumb on his face and slide him into a garbage can.
Craigslist
Craigslist personals are the poor person’s eHarmony. These are the people who are not willing to invest a small amount of money to weed out spam, criminals, and creeps. If you’re looking for love on here, you’re going to get exactly what you pay for: nothing. Plus, you’ll probably get assaulted.
At The Office
It sounds like a great idea to date your coworker until you do and it doesn’t work out. Then, a trip to the break room becomes an “Ocean’s Eleven”-style plot to avoid interaction with your ex. Sure, you were hired as an accountant, but soon you’ll be playing crouching tiger, hidden CPA as you try to avoid your scorned lover. There are far too many hazards that may occur with an office romance, so just don’t.
Well ladies, there you have it: the worst places to find a boyfriend. Avoid these locations and you should have a 30 percent better chance of finding a man who will take you more places than his bed (or the trunk of his car). The first three rules of finding a house are exactly the same as the first three rules of finding a boyfriend: location, location, location. Good luck, and happy hunting.
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Brita Sweet
Given the nickname, 'Brita' because she has no filter, Ms. Sweet spends her time cleaning up word vomit and replenishing her bodily fluids with Vodka and Wine.
@britasweet
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