Columns

The Worst Thing That Will Ever Happen To You: The Two-Day Hangover

Screen Shot 2014-06-25 at 11.33.23 AM

Hangovers are the worst thing to ever happen to the human race. Think about it. When you have a hangover, all you want to do is eat and be left alone. You’re depressed, you’re anxious about the decisions you made the night before, and WHY IS THE SUN SO DAMN BRIGHT? The only think that gets you through the day is knowing that when you wake up tomorrow, you’ll be back to normal.

But what happens when you’re not?

You wake up, wondering why the sun seriously doesn’t have an adjustable brightness scale. You also have an overwhelming feeling of nausea. Are you dying? Is this the end? No. It’s even worse than that. You’re having a two-day hangover.

Two-day hangovers are a hair short of sucking the absolute humanity out of you. Food has no taste, you can’t regulate your body temperature, and you can’t remember what happiness feels like. The worst part? Your decisions have led you to this hell. Don’t overthink those decisions, though, because let’s be honest–you can’t think about two nights ago without choking down some vomit.

God forbid you have something to do or an appointment to make, because you are bedridden for at least 12 more hours. If you went out on a Saturday, may God have mercy on your soul come that Monday. You have work or class, and because nothing is going your way, you probably have to go to work and you can’t call in sick.

Probably the worst part of all of this is that there is no way out. All the usual cures have either failed you or just made you sicker. You cry at the mere thought of alcohol, and you have trouble keeping down water, let alone a greasy sandwich piled with bacon. God has abandoned you, and all that’s left to do is binge watch Bravo and cry.

I can commiserate with my fellow two-day hangover-getters. I wish I could say something to make it go away or to make you feel better. My only advice is this: stomach down a bacon, egg, and cheese biscuit and take something to make you go to sleep. You’re not going to miss anything on the second day of your hangover.

Email this to a friend

Hakuna Moscato

Hakuna Moscato (@HakunaMoscato) is a contributing writer for Total Sorority Move. and Post Grad Problems. A born and raised Maryland girl, she's obsessed with the Baltimore Ravens, Old Bay, and anything that has the Maryland flag pattern on it. She's a newly retired student-athlete and sorority girl, but not quite ready to call herself an adult, especially since she still has to be carried out of bars. With a Long Island in hand, she's ready for whatever life is throwing her way. Maybe.

0 Comments You must log in to comment, or create an account

For More Photos and Videos

Latest podcasts

Download Our App

Take TSM with you. Get

New Stories

Load More