There’s An Actual “Gossip Girl” Taking Over The Sorority World

Gossip Girl

Hey there, Upper East Siders. Miss me? Of course you do.

It’s been awhile, I’ll admit. But after S dragged me through the dirt I decided it was best for me to take a step back and evaluate a few things. Things like, what’s important in life? What will make me happy? Do I need another pair of Louboutins? So I did what a Gossip Girl does best and made a dramatic exit. But just because I was quiet, it doesn’t mean I haven’t had my eyes open and my Instagram refreshed.

And as always, you did not disappoint.

Still, I thought I could be on vacation for longer. It’s like you’re just begging for me to destroy your reputations. And trust me, it is my favorite thing to do. But, while I was busy building my tan, you all were busy trying to build a new empire. It’s almost cute how much you need me. And so, with my base just barely there, I decided to come out of retirement yet again. Luckily it was just in time, because even I didn’t see this juicy piece of gossip coming.

Thanks to a brave tip, it’s come to my attention that someone is trying to become the new Gossip Girl.

Yawn. Like we haven’t seen this play out before. And normally I wouldn’t care. You know what they say, imitation in the sincerest form of brown nosing. This time, however, it’s different. It isn’t some wannabe fashion designer who’s biggest accomplishment was becoming a mini-B for half a second. And it isn’t S, thinking she can take my crown. Again. The girl who’s trying to steal my reign is none other than a sorority girl. And I thought being a slave to Lonely Boy was bad? This is even worse.

She calls herself the AXD Gossip Big, and she’s not messing around when it comes to dishing up dirt. Her Instagram bio says it all, and more.

Hey southeast midtowners, Gossip Big here, your one and only source into the sratastic lives of CBU’s elite. DM me all your juicy secrets. XoXi, GG

First they steal my style, then the steal my name. Talk about a cliché. Still I have to respect a girl who is willing to ruin her friends’ reputations for a little fame. That is what made me a star, after all. And while I’d love to spread this rumor without any proof, what’s a scandal without the photo evidence?

On one hand, I hate her. “XoXi?” But on the other hand, I do love a good scandal. Besides, there’s no way this can end well. Be careful out there, Little AXD. You know what they say, only the best get burned. Be sure the watch your back, and your geotags. I hear getting a blast from standards is even worse than getting a blast from me.

You know you love me,

[via Instagram ]

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Rachel Varina

(yeahokaywhat) Aspiring to be the next Tina Fey, Rachel spends her free time doing nothing to reach that goal. While judging people based on how they use "they're" vs. "there" on social media, she likes eating buffalo chicken dip, watching other people's Netflix, and wearing sweatpants way more than is socially acceptable.

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