Being young is fun, because you get to brag about things that are frowned upon in the grownup world, like not having a job, or collecting gentleman callers like they’re stamps and you’re a 70-year-old man wearing bifocals, or drinking to the point of liver damage. See? Fun. But we not only like to brag about these things, we like to compete. We are obsessed with letting people know that WE PARTY THE HARDEST — allegiances starting from biggest to smallest — we want to be the best country, the best state in that country, the best school in that state, and the best sorority at that school.
A company called “Find the Best” hooked us up with this interactive map, so now you can brag about your state being the booziest. With 12.57 bars, per 10,000 people, congratulations, Wisconsin, you are the biggest alcoholics. The other midwestern states seem to be not too far behind, because “there’s nothing to do there but drink” — as if young people everywhere else are invited to the Met for an evening of sober fun every night.
The lamest state is Utah with only 1.73 bars for every 10,000 people, which is crazy, because I’d drink a shit ton if I lived in Utah. What the fuck is a Utah, anyway? Check out how your state ranks below.
Letting me down, NJ. Letting me down..