Throwing a house party at your own place always sounds like a really awesome idea, in theory. If you’re hosting, that means that everyone has to bring snacks and drinks to you, and you don’t have to worry about transportation because you get to stay on your own couch all night, which is essentially the dream. You get to chill, call DJ privileges, and when you get tired, you get to pass out in your own bed.
This is all fine and wonderful until the next morning, because what inevitably happens is you wake up hungover, alone, and with a house that’s a legitimate sanitation hazard. I’m not too proud to admit that I’ve woken up with my face stuck to the kitchen floor with cheap vodka and lemonade. It’s not pretty, but it’s real. Your first instinct might be to start cleaning up the dirty shot glasses, beer bottles, and nacho cheese in your carpet, but let’s be honest — that hangover is going to hurt you here. When blinking is painful, the last thing you want to do is clean up the mess you made last night.
For those of you who are like me and are basically incapable of doing anything while hungover except sitting in the shower, there is a solution. It comes in the form of a company called the Morning-After Maids, which specializes in post-party cleaning services. Not only will these amazing human beings clean your trashed apartment for you, they’ll also cook you breakfast.
If you’re one of those weird health nuts who enjoy things like fruits and vegetables, they can provide a granola and avocado-type option, or, if you’re normal, they can do a classic, greasy hangover breakfast. And then, you get to sit and eat it while they take care of cleaning the cesspool that is your apartment. An added bonus is that their Facebook page indicates they’re never closed—so anytime you need them, they’ll be there for you. It’s like the perfect boyfriend, but better, because all they want is to cook and clean for you without ever asking for a blow job.
Sound too good to be true? Well, it partially is, since the Morning-After Maids service is currently only available in Auckland, New Zealand. But let’s be real, this is a bomb idea that’s going to have to make its way to the States sooner or later. And when it does, I’ll be ready with a sticky kitchen floor, a headache, and an order for bacon. .