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This Frat Guy Is Going To Jail For Stealing A Flamingo

Flamingos

I’m not really into birds–or most animals, if we’re being honest–but everyone knows that flamingos are the most S animal on the fucking planet. Why? Because they have long legs, they’re super skinny, and they’re pink. Total. Sorority. Move.

And so, with a heavy heart, I bring to you this story from the University of Southern Mississippi. Pike at USM decided to have its boys go on a little scavenger hunt, and now I understand why this is considered a totally deplorable act of hazing (even though making someone buy a condom and a cucumber or 50 cents worth of gas is hilarious). Nineteen-year-old Devin Nottis was instructed to get a picture with a flamingo at the Hattiesburg Zoo. Whether he wanted to take it a step further to impress people or he is truly brain dead is unclear, but Nottis opted to steal a flamingo from the zoo as well.

The female flamingo sustained so many injuries during the heist that it had to be euthanized in the morning. Perhaps the most heartbreaking part, though, is that her boyfriend (okay, her mate, whatever) is believed to have come to her defense as she was being stolen. The male also sustained serious injuries, both internal and external, and was found dead in the holding area.

The executive director of the Hattiesburg Convention Commission, Rick Taylor, said that six individuals were involved. So far, only Nottis has been identified in the ongoing investigation, and he’s been arrested for grand larceny. While “I stole a flamingo” is probably the most sissy prison story you’ll ever hear, it’s still a pretty dick move. Pike is suspended for 30 days while the national office determines its future.

[via Sun Herald]

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Veronica Ruckh

Veronica (@VeronicaRuckh) is the Director of Total Sorority Move for Grandex, Inc. After having spent her undergraduate years drinking $4 double LITs on a patio and drunk texting away potential suitors, she managed to graduate with an impressive GPA and an unimpressive engagement ring -- so unimpressive, in fact, some might say it's not there at all. Veronica has since been fulfilling her duties as "America's big," a title she gave to herself with the help of her giant ego. She has recently switched from vodka to wine on weekdays. Email her at veronica@grandex.co

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