This Girl Is So High She Thinks She’s Kylie Jenner


The Internet is great for a lot of things: online shopping during “study hours,” stalking ex-boyfriends and their new girlfriends, and watching videos of people who are all drugged up after dental surgery. I could seriously watch those videos all day every day and never get tired of it. Why? Because they always say what we’re all thinking. And there’s nothing greater than intoxicated honesty.

That’s why I love this girl, Emma. After her wisdom teeth were removed, she reveals what every girl truly wants underneath it all — to be none other than Kylie Jenner.


Imagine waking up and realizing you are the Kylie Jenner. You live in your own mansion, have two cool moms, and you have free range to as many Kylie Lip Kits as your little heart desires. You’re a “mooooodel” and you have a great ass, real or not. That is not the kind of high a girl wants to come down from. I hope she’s not too disappointed after returning to her peasant life among the rest of us.

I do have to say, having Kylie Jenner as your high/drunk persona is the most bomb thing I’ve ever heard of. Unfortunately, my drunk persona is just a random ratchet girl that thinks she can twerk when, in fact, she has no ass at all in which to twerk. So, I just look like a skinny, white girl seizing on the dance floor. Not so cute. However, turning into “Kylie” after a few too many might be her one-way ticket to an awesome college experience — at least for her friends, anyway.

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premed donna

Who said you can't be smart and funny? When I'm not writing for TSM, you can find me studying into oblivion, downing a bottle of chardonnay, and/or sobbing for reasons I have yet to understand. All hate fan mail can be sent to [email protected].

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